Lena in the Holy Land

Saying goodbye to Palestine

2011-10-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

I didn't just grow up Palestinian in America.

I grew up learning to love being Palestinian and to love Palestine.

My dad, his friends, my friends, their parents, my Islamic school - they all tried to teach me how to love Palestine.

I was raised in a household decked out in Palestinian icons from flags to frames of Al-Aqsa Mosque to Palestinian maps of all sizes. But the nationalism spilled over beyond our home. Every time there was a political event, even at a non-Palestinian related event, my dad would drag me and bring the Palestinian flag and when he couldn't force us to raise it, he would make me and my sisters march behind him as he did. (There is actually a photo in the Dallas Morning News of this very act at a Bosnia Protest in 1993)

Complimenting my dad's Palestine obsession was the sizeable Palestinian/religious community in North Texas where programs were held to serve as a haven for parents like my dad. It was where their kids - under their direction - sang patriotic Palestinian songs and participated in theatrical skits echoing the Palestinian tragic narrative. It was the perfect community for Palestinian parents who were obsessed with ensuring their kids prize their Palestinian identities. (ironically, very few of us ever actually went to Palestine)

By the late '90s early 2000's, however, most of that momentum wore off. Palestinian events became less frequent, and so did the emphasis of 'fighting for the Palestinian cause' from many Palestinian parents.

And in 2010, after graduating with my MA in journalism and having worked in my field for a few years - it seemed strange to many friends I grew up with that I had decided to go to Palestine to live and work. They attribute my decision to my father's (famous) Palestinian identity obsession (which unlike most parents, never wore off as we still have a gigantic Palestinian flag hanging in front of our house). Others probably speculated that because I was of marriageable age and with so many around me getting married, I was using this as an excuse to find a husband in Palestine.

But those who knew me well knew that the reason was much simpler than that. I wanted to go to Palestine because I wanted to know what it really means to be Palestinian.

My dad, of course, was not thrilled with the decision or my 'reason'.

It was kind of contradicting to me. Why work so hard to raise me to love the idea of being Palestinian, of trying so hard to shape such non-compromising political views regarding Palestine yet be so mortified that I actually wanted to go and see Palestine for myself?

Though my father resisted and while some friends seemed confused with my decision, I headed off to Palestine on September 13th 2010.

I had only previously been to Palestine once for one week back in 2008.

So when I arrived in Palestine September of 2010, aside from one friend and distant family in the Israeli city of Ramla, I was on my own.

From the northern city of Nablus to Ramallah to Ramla and then back to Ramallah - my experience in Palestine was incredible. Beyond the sight-seeing of the swollen holy sights, the gorgeous natural terrain of mountains, beaches and deserts - the most meaningful memories were the everyday experiences with the Palestinian locals.

I'm glad I maintained a blog, this blog. But I wish I blogged more. I have so much MORE to talk about.

I wish I blogged about the Bedouin visits I made (Jordan Valley and Al-Tireh/Batonya) where the women were so poor that I felt horrifically guilty for accepting a dinner invitation. Where they lived in such poor conditions that the carpet appeared black from all the flies resting on it. Of how some women admitted that they knew that things were financially really bad when their men stopped talking about getting a second wife (very common in Bedouin society and a sign of prosperity).

I wish I dipped into more controversial issues that were bound to stir up angry responses like daring to poke fun of the cities with really bad reputations (Bait Hanina, Al Ram), the Arab Israelis who serve in the army for the sole purpose of obtaining weapons (Abu Gosh, Jawarish) or the very violent and crime-ridden Palestinian quarter of Al-Lid which Palestinians from the outside (West Bank, America) blame Israel for but Palestinians from nearby cities like Ramla blame the Palestinian residents themselves.

And there are some things that are difficult to put into words, like the feeling of powerlessness. I can't express the feeling of powerlessness into words because a person cannot 'understand' through words, only through experience. That's what made coming to Palestine the most educational and rewarding experience of my life. The thousands and thousands of pages of literature on the subject of the dangers of the accumulating Palestinian humiliation under Israeli occupation I read amounted to nothing compared to those 15 minutes of standing in a checkpoint.

And though the 13 months of living in Palestine was in and of itself a great experience - I think the most important thing it did for me was that for the first time, I started to feel that Palestine really is my country - my homeland.

All those years of my dad's conditioning did help create a foundation to love Palestine - but it turns out that the best teacher was Palestine itself. And it wasn't until coming here and living here for as long as I did that the idea of loving Palestine finally translated into reality.

All the harder for me to say goodbye to this place. The place I have been conditioned to call 'homeland',but only after 25 years did it finally feel like a homeland .

But the time has come for me to depart my new-found Palestinian identity and country. I've already said bye to all my friends and colleagues. And now I finally have to say,

Goodbye Palestine.

Being Japanese in Palestine

2011-10-09T05:26:00.001-07:00

You hear a lot of Palestinian-Americans whining about their identity conflict. "We are not recognized as full Palestinians in Palestine yet we are still not fully American in the U.S"

Yes. How excruciating. *rolls eyes*

I would say 99% of every encounter in Palestine has assumed I was a full Palestinian from America or Palestinian American. Few know that I'm half-Japanese, thanks to my relatively strong Arab features. The hijab definitely adds to the Arab look.

Generally speaking, I hid that fact I was part Japanese, if that is the correct word, because I wanted to see what Palestinians in Palestine really felt about the 3rd largest donor to the Palestinian Authority. But the Japanese in me surfaced when opportunities presented itself. For example, when I went to Jericho - where Japan has done a lot of work - I made a scene at the city center where an embedded plaque marked a recent Japanese aid package to the city.

By looking at me, it didn't click to everyone that was staring at me, “Hey, she's Japanese and that is why she is so happy to see the pleasant Japanese-Palestinian relationship.” And I didn’t make sense out of the situation, and let them think I'm a strange hijabi.

But I had one particularly frustrating incident when I taught at Al-Najah University where I had a student talk about the significance of religion (in general).

"There are only 3 religions, Islam Christianity and Judaism" he began.

I let him finish, hoping that one of the 30 students would correct him, which never happened of course. So as he returned to his seat, I asked the class.

"Are there only three religions in this world?"

Perhaps they thought it was a trick question, and the class remained silent. I clarified.

"What do most Chinese, the Japanese and Indians believe?"

"They are kuffar (non-believers)" the student replied confidently.

"They still follow a religion. They have religious beliefs. Should we ignore them? They make up almost half of the world's population."

"They are just beliefs. NOT a religion. God tells us in the Quran there are only 3 religions. God doesn't recognize them. They are misguided people."

There was a strong sense of pity. Of arrogance. And worst of all, ridicule coming out of them.

(note: Palestinians and most Muslims in America who I grew up with thought the same way, including my Islamic studies teacher, so I wasn't surprised by any of this.)

I tried to hide my frustration but (naturally) used examples of the well-known discipline and admirable ethics prevalent in Japanese society to try to illustrate to my students how unfair I felt it was to dismiss (and make fun of) billions of people who were simply born into a different religious/cultural upbringing.

But they were adamant - completely oblivious to my Japanese ancestry. I knew I wasn't going to change any minds that day, so I just concluded, "Let's just remember one thing. One important fact you may all be forgetting. Everyone in this room is Muslim only because you were born Muslim. If you were born in Japan, you would be a Shinto. If you were born in China, you could be Buddhist. And if you were in India, you could have very well be Hindu worshiping the cows that you are now ridiculing."

It was the first and only time the students saw me upset. So after class, a few concerned students came up to me and apologised with uncertainty. I didn't reveal that I was offended that what they said completely undermined the Japanese culture my mom comes from, because it wasn't just about Japan but hundred's of cultures. I didn't want them to think that what they said or thought may be incorrect only because it offends Lena, the half-Japanese.

My close friends here eventually learned of my Japanese-ness, and though I thought I was so slick about it, many responded, 'NOW it makes SENSE'. And because Palestinians tend to be sweet-talkers with the occasional sting of bluntness, conversations following the Japanese revelation was always a mix of 'they are such smart, kind and hard-working people' and 'May Allah guide them'.

Then again, that's the kind of thing they were saying all along. So my 'tests' were unnecessary after all. And regardless of whatever mix I happened to be, it was important for them to let me know that "no matter what, You ARE Palestinian, you are one of us and this is your country."

Can't take out religion

2011-10-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

Religion is to the Palestinian Israeli conflict is like raw fish is to sushi.

It is the essence to the paradigm. It is the beginning, middle and end of the story.

Sure the conflict is fundamentally political: a dispute over territory, who controls it and who inhabits it. Sprinkle some human rights issues, terrorism, security, colonialism and a myriad of other things to complicate it. But it is religion that is the engine. And as long as religion drives the conflict, it will not stop running.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting this is a war simply as Muslims versus Jews or Christians versus Jews or Muslims vs Christians.

No, that's not it.

Rather, the conflict is uncompromising because of religion. It was also sparked by religion. Jews came to an inhabited historic Palestine to restore what they believe is their land. Promised to them by their religion.

Arguably, the biggest reason for the failed peace talks has been the status of Jerusalem. Holy city for Christians, Jews and Muslims. Jews don't want it, any of it, under Muslim control. Muslims are not going to let go of (at least) East Jerusalem. If they did, it would be unforgivable not just by Palestinians but by the entire Muslim world.

Israeli settlements in the West Bank are considered a major obstacle to peace. Settlers will not leave because the lands that have been (illegally) confiscated is, according to their religious beliefs, theirs. They are willing to resort to violence if anyone, including the Israeli government, tries to interfere.

But even beyond that. Let's dip into the daily conversations of Palestinians. For example, I was talking to a group of students, about 5 male students of political science and economics, at Al-Najjah National University in Nablus. None appeared to be practicing Muslims. In fact, only one mentioned that he prays on occasion.

We sat outside the two-story cafeteria and discussed the latest political updates of the conflict. In the 45 minute discussion, the Quran was brought up at least 5 times.

"Can we put religion aside? For now.." I said when it came up the 5th time.

"What! Are you serious? How can you say that?" they said in unison, though they all had conflicting political views.

"I mean, can't we just discuss the issue without bringing up the Quran?"

"That's impossible. This whole conflict is a religious one. This is in the Quran. Everything that is happening and going to happen is in the Quran."

I kept insisting. And they finally stopped. After we finished, I had asked my friend who was accompanying me, to take a group photo of them as I waited outside the cafeteria. When he came back, he said,

"They were upset. More like offended."

"Why?"

"They couldn't understand how you kept telling them to put religion on the side."

"I just wanted a political discussion. Just about Palestine."

"This isn't America. This is Palestine. Religion is everything here. You cannot take it out."

I wanted to go back and explain to them that I believed it would help the Palestinian cause more if they left religion out. That religion can sometimes interfere with rational interests. But that would have probably angered them more. And then my friend had to add one last bit.

"They were especially confused because you are Muslim and wear hijab, Lena."

(In other words, how can I claim to be a practicing Muslim and yet even suggest to place Islam in the back-burner of Palestinian politics)

This wasn't the first time. It was probably the 49th time. And I could imagine that these types of conversations happened with Israelis - on the other side of the conflict. Even secular Jews in Israel want to their country to retain its Jewish status which is why a clear majority of even the most pro-Palestinian groups are against the Palestinian right of return that could jeopardize the Jewish character of Israel.

So though it is not politically common to cite religion as one of the major driving forces of this conflict, just by talking to the people who live in the conflict zone - religion seems to be unavoidable. You just can't take religion out of the Palestinian-Israeli conflict because if you do, a lot of it will stop making sense. Take out religion, and Jews would have probably never come to historic Palestine. Take out religion, and Jerusalem can be treated like any other city and divided equally. Take out religion and we won't have the obsessed settlers on Palestinian land.

But then again, take out religion - then Palestinians and Israelis won't have a holy land to fight over. It would just be, well, land.

So as long as the land is special, so is the conflict. And as long as the conflict is special, it will get good coverage. So maybe it's a good thing after all.

Palestinians against UN bid show support

2011-09-21T07:06:00.000-07:00

Marches moved like currents throughout the West Bank today as thousands of Palestinians signaled their support ahead of the Palestinian leadership's bid to the United Nations. The formal application to seek full UN membership will be submitted to UN Chief Ban Ki-Moon by Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas on Friday.

While this is considered a political move launched exclusively by the Palestinian Authority and not by request of the Palestinian people, the flooded streets in every major West Bank city indicates that many Palestinians are throwing their support behind the initiative.

As the large crowds echo approval to the bid- some protesters didn’t want to send the wrong message.

“I’m against the UN move,” Faten Khoury, a native of Nazareth, said. “But I came here to show that I am united with Palestinians no matter what happens.”

The biggest scene was in the city of Hebron where protesters sprawled between the commercial district of Ein Sara Street to the Municipality--challenging its reputation of being the most hostile city to the PA. In the northern city of Nablus, supportive Jewish and Christian religious leaders addressed the crowds - winning the admiration of rapturous Palestinian protesters. And in the De Facto capital of Ramallah, the epicenter of the protest took place at the newly constructed Arafat Square where Al-Aashiqeen, a Palestinian band, performed following fiery speeches by leaders of political factions.

“At first, I was against it because I don’t think anything will happen and it is just the PA trying to win some popular support,” Zuhair Al-Barakat said, a native of Qalqilya and a student of Birzeit University near Ramallah. “But this is our right as Palestinians and we need to bring the Palestinian issue to the world’s attention again.”

Many university students were given official holiday today and transportation was readily available free of charge to transport eager protesters from their villages into the major cities.

Nora Atout, a resident of Nablus, said her family is divided on the issue, with her sister and father refusing to participate in the protests with her in Ramallah.

“To my family, this is pointless. It is just a waste of time because America will veto it anyway,” she said. “But we need to keep trying. This is what (the US and Israel) want. For us to give up and not ask for anything anymore.”

Normalization

2011-09-18T00:31:00.000-07:00

For the active Palestinian youth, there are two camps to choose from. The first camp seeks to 'normalize' relations with Israelis economically, culturally and to an extent politically. This camp pushes to foment programs that promote dialogue and understanding between Israeli and Palestinians particularly among the youth. You can find a full definition of normalization here.

The other camp staunchly opposes this. To them, an 'oppressor' and the 'oppressed' cannot possibly establish a 'normal' relationship. They say as long as Israel continues to violate Palestinian rights, the only proper response is to resist and participate in protests and boycotts.

Increasingly over the years, many Palestinians who may have once endorsed a normalization method have switched sides. This probably has a lot to do with the political dead-end and the present day right-wing Israeli government and all the damaging policies that came with it.

Those who do remain in the normalcy camp get a lot of heat from the anti-normalization camp. For example, during the height of what some people called the Arab Spring in Palestine (back in May), I had a friend who went to every protest, conference and event to pronounce her activism. But when she would find out there was a tatbee3 theme, or normalization theme, she would not only refuse to go but 'warn' the others to steer clear.

Here is an example of an anti-normalization vocalization.

Reject the efforts of Israel and its apologists around the world, who aim to direct our efforts at convincing Israel of our inalienable rights rather than resisting its oppression through legitimate and legal means to obtain them; especially organizations that aim to convince us that that conflict is but a symptom of psychological barriers that can disappear through dialogue with the other. Such organizations they completely ignore the reality which is Israel’s oppression and systematic discrimination against the Palestinian people. Organizations like Seeds of Peace, One Voice, NIR School, IPCRI, Panorama, and others specifically target Palestinian youth to engage them in dialog with Israelis without recognizing the inalienable rights of Palestinians, or aiming to end Israel’s occupation, colonization, and apartheid.

Now, if you talk to participants of these organizations - they would tell you that they also believe that Israel must recognize Palestinians' rights and do aim to end Israeli's occupation - but they prefer a different method. They say that the the problem can be tackled in different approaches and there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way.

So last weekend, I went to one of these 'normalization' retreats at a Guest House called Nevi Shalom not too far from Tel Aviv organized by two organizations, one from the Israeli side and the other from the Palestinian (Jerusalem and the West Bank). The retreat was sponsored by a German group. There were about 20 teenage Palestinians and Israelis who were already familiar with each other as they had been meeting for about a year now.

They were very friendly to each other. They laughed together, played games together and despite the language barriers for some - they were able to communicate.

The Germans had captured these friendly interactions on camera as they were programming this as part of a documentary that was going to be aired on German television. The German hosts were so enthusiastic and happy at the sight of warm relations between the two sides.

On the second day of the retreat, one Palestinian girl from Bethlehem had arrived and upon entry, screamed with joy and ran to one of the Israeli participants to give her a tsunami hug.

"I miss you so much!! Habibti!" the Palestinian girl told her in severely broken English.

"I miss you my habibi!" the Israeli girl replied in severely broken English.

I must admit, I was shocked at the degree of sentiment I had just witnessed. I guess this is a good thing, I thought to myself.

Then immediately, one of the Palestinians whispered to me, "Can you believe she's Palestinian. She loves the Jews more than her own people."

I looked at him, 'oh...'

From that point on, I started to notice that away from the cameras and especially away from the Germans - the Palestinians and Israelis did not interact with each other as much. At lunch breaks, the Palestinians sat separately. When nobody was paying attention, some of the Palestinians would make fun of the other kids.

Confused, I sat with the Palestinian group during a lunch break and asked them why don't they sit with the Israelis.

"It's not like they want to sit with us either," one of them said.

"We can be ourselves more, and be comfortable," another said.

"But do you think these programs are helpful in creating friendships with the Israelis?" I asked.

"Kind of. Yeah. Sure," one said.

"Not really." another said.

"The Quran says we will always be enemies," someone said, not sure if he was serious.

"Uhh. So what's the point? Why do you come?" I asked.

"Why not? We don't lose anything plus its all paid for. And we get to travel for free and come into Israel. Plus, some of them are nice and try to mix with us," someone said.

I turned to one of the senior Palestinian organizers. "What do you think? Do you believe in this program? That there will be peace between the two?"

"No. There will never be peace," he said, with everyone in the group agreeing.

"So it's all an act? Everyone is pretending to want to be friends?" I asked. I was really confused.

"It's not an act. We are trying. They are trying. But nobody can ignore what is really going on out there. Things are getting worse for Palestinians. Some of these kids and organizers of what they call a peace group have or expect to serve in the IDF. The other day, organizers from both sides were at each other's throats debating the legitimacy of Israel's attack on the flotilla. And the kids are younger so they are not as bothered by it. These programs are a distraction to the real big problems."

That night, as part of the program, the Palestinians and Israelis both presented (by acting out) how their traditional weddings take place. During the Israeli wedding, one of the organizers translated a Hebrew verse that basically said Jerusalem is the city for the Jews.

I looked at the Palestinians who were sitting next to me, and there was fury in the eyes of those who understood what was just said.

After the two wedding ceremonies, the Germans got them to play a 'How much do you know about Germany' quiz and split the participants into four teams mixed with Palestinians and Israelis. And it was very pleasant. They cooperated very well with each other, laughed together and gave each other high-fives when they succeeded.

But this time, I wasn't fooled. It was much clearer to me there wasn't the sense of sincerity that I felt the first time. Instead, what I saw was - not deceit, but like what the Palestinian organizer said earlier - a distraction.

The road to peace between Palestinians and Israelis is full of potholes, and there is a lot of construction going on. But for many of these Palestinian kids, these programs may not lead to genuine affection - but it's a step towards the right direction. Like one of the Palestinian participants put it, "Just for me not to hate the Jews (Israelis) in this room and for them not to hate us is an achievement." The bar seems quite low, but that is why -they say - they must keep going.

The injustice Israelis are protesting

2011-09-03T13:05:00.000-07:00

Most of us are familiar with Palestinian camps. The refugee camps to be more specific.

But drive through different Israeli cities, from Haifa to Lod, you will also see camps.

These camps are different. They are colorful. They are small. Some are bunched up in public parks, others in designated parking lots. They have been pitched for a different reason. And they are, unlike Palestinian refugee camps, probably not going to last very long.

All summer, Israelis - mostly Jews - have been tent protesting the high cost of living in Israel. Protests and marches have sprung up sporadically this summer but tonight is considered a historic protest, the Million Men March, where hundreds of thousands are taking to the streets in Israel's major cities calling for 'Social Justice'. With the Palestinian issue placed on the back-burner, people here have gathered to let the government know that they are angry about the high cost of living - from housing, food, cars and gas.

It was unusual for me, as someone who has lived in the West Bank and saw first-hand how difficult and frustrating life has been under Israeli occupation, to attend an Israeli protest and experience the Israeli outcry against their own government over social injustices being carried out against them.

One woman told me (through my cousin) that her house was taken away because she couldn't afford to make the payments since she lost her job a few years ago. Some college students said they felt like they did so much for their country such as pay taxes and serve in their army for years but didn't get much in return. Others also said that they felt that their government was focusing too much on foreign policies and the Palestinian issue that they , the middle class woes, have been ignored.

While the country is fairing quite well with a healthy 5% annual growth, according to Reuters, almost 40% of Israeli's say they find it difficult to live on their income. Just by living here for a few months, I can believe it. Life is expensive here.

But to call high cost of housing a 'social injustice' does seem bloated when compared to the chronic Israeli policies towards some pockets of its own citizens (Arab Israelis), refugees, African migrants and of course, the Palestinians who are under occupation for more than 60 years in the West Bank/Gaza and most recently the state's continued refusal to apologize to Turkey for the deaths of 9 Turkish humanitarian activists who were on the Gaza-bound flotilla last year.

Indeed, when a country is infamously known for imposing injustices on other people, it was interesting to see how the population reacts when they feel some of the hardship spilling over on them - even in the mildest of doses.

Happy Eid from I-S-R-A-E-L

2011-08-28T07:38:00.000-07:00

Israel prides itself in being a homeland for the Jews. But this land has been a Muslim-majority country for more than a thousand years, and even as Israel pushes for Jewish domination - Islam continues and will likely continue to thrive in this Jewish state.

The residents of old cities, from Akka in the North to Yafa in the South and Jerusalem in the center, are predominately Muslim as the original inhabitants have always been Palestinians of which the majority are Muslim.

There are so many mosques on opposite sides of the main Yitzhak Rabin highway that connects Tel Aviv to Haifa that even the Jewish fanatics cannot ignore. And shariah law is implemented by the five shariah courts scattered throughout Israel which is almost always respected by Israeli authorities, the police and social services.

So waking up to the sound of the Eid prayer this morning in this predominantely Jewish neighborhood of Ofeka (a suburb close to Ramla) is a reminder of how this land, no matter how hard the right-wing Israeli government tries to eradicate, will have a strong Muslim presence. Ramadan and Eid, even though the government will not make them official national holidays, will always be an integral part of this country.

As I sit here celebrating with our neighbors and friends, family and loved ones in this land called Israel, on behalf of the Muslims here, I want to say - Happy Eid.

Meet Abed

2011-08-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

Abed is a 13 year old Palestinian. He was born in Ramla but when he was 6, his family relocated to an Arabic city called Kufr Qara in northern Israel in area called the Triangle, or muthalath. Three years later, his family moved to Hedara, a predominately Jewish city on the coast between Haifa and Tel Aviv. Four years later, his father is thinking of moving again, this time back to Ramla.

Abed has lived from a mixed city of Arabs and Jews (Ramla) to an exclusively Arab city (Kufr Qara) to an exclusively Jewish city (Hedara). He went to an Arabic Christian school in Ramla then transferred to a public (Muslim) school in Kufr Qara and then finally to an all Jewish public school in Hedara.

So I asked Abed how he feels about moving back to Ramla after experiencing living in Jewish and Arab neighborhoods.

"I'm excited. I want to live with Arabs again."

"Will you miss your Jewish friends in Hedara?"

"Yeah of course. We are very good friends."

"Did they give you a hard time because you were Arab?"

"No! Noo! But there was one kid who used to say things about me because I'm Arab. But my friends would beat him up when he did. So he stopped."

"That's good. And when you lived in Kufr Qara. It was all Arabs. How was that?"

"That was okay. I didn't like where we lived but I had a lot of friends there. We still talk on facebook."

"Where do you prefer? Living with Jews or Arabs. Or both, together?"

"Together. There's good of both."

"How do you identify yourself?"

"I'm Palestinian. And Arab-Israeli. And . It doesn't matter. I'm a good person and I can be friends with anyone. As long as you are a good person. Jewish or Muslim or Christian. That's all that matters."

Abed may only be 13, but his experience has given him more insight and perspective than most people can ever understand in a lifetime.

Guessing games at the bank

2011-08-28T05:55:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the waiting room with my aunt at a local bank in Ramla. There were about 20 or so people in line ahead of us.

I could hear Arabic, Hebrew and Russian. I could see yamakas and hijabs in between the uncovered heads of Jewish men and Muslim women. Two of the women who were speaking Arabic were wearing crosses. Three customers were wearing their IDF uniforms. They were most likely Jews, though there are (a few) Palestinians who serve. Two men of African descent walked in together. One was an Ethiopian Jew and the other was a Palestinian wearing the full Bedouin costume.

In a mixed city like Ramla, if you pay attention to the clothes, the language, and religious symbols - it is easy to guess who is what. But sometimes, it gets a little complicated.

An elderly man with a heavy mustache and very thick glasses that draped on the tip of his large nose walked up excitedly toward my aunt and spoke in a strange Arabic accent and Hebrew. They had a friendly exchange for a few minutes. Apparently they were old neighbors. And after he left, I asked my aunt.

"Is he Arab or Jewish?"

"Both. He is from Tunisia. A Jew from Tunisia."

"Ah. That was a tricky one."

My aunt seemed confused. I guess she didn't know I was playing guessing games at the bank.

Stranger in my own homeland

2011-08-28T02:51:00.000-07:00

In 1948, my father's village of Sumail - along with thousands of others like it - was destroyed to accommodate the new Jewish state. The state of Israel.

Our family has been scattered since then, many in Ramla, a few miles north of the destroyed village of Sumail.

When I came to Palestine back in September from the US, I stayed in the West Bank. Our roots aren't in the West Bank and I didn't have family there so though I enjoyed living with Palestinians, I never considered it 'my homeland'. "I'm originally from the '48 side and my family lives in Ramla," I used to say with pride while staying in the West Bank.

And after about 10 months, when the opportunity came to live in Ramla, I was excited. How many diaspora Palestinians from the '48 side (Israel) have the chance to live in, or near, their ancestral (destroyed) village? A quarter of Ramla is Palestinian. And half of them are either family, or related by marriage to family. Surely, I was going to feel a sense of belonging.

I rented a car and unpacked my bags at my aunt's house. If I didn't stay with my aunt, I had many uncles and cousins to choose from. It was nice to be with family, after living solo for so long. And in addition to having family, life here is close to the American life I left behind. I can get Subway sandwiches, go shopping at stores that actually have cash registers and most importantly - not live under occupation.

I also found this opportunity to open my mind and live with Jewish Israelis, not as occupiers but as neighbors and colleagues - maybe even as friends. After all, mixed cities like Haifa and Ramla are leading examples of Jews and Palestinians living together peacefully whereas exclusive and isolated cities often brew fear and hate towards the 'other side'. (ie: Gaza and Israeli settlements)

But each passing day, I always found an excuse to go back to the West Bank. I was putting more than $150 a week on gas driving more than three hours every other day to escape. Because living in Israel, even for a month and with family, has been a very uncomfortable experience for me. The Hebrew everywhere. The inability to communicate with shopkeepers. The racial-profiling. The constant need to carry my passport with me. And seeing IDF soldiers walking all over as civilians from their homes as our neighbors never got easier.

I asked my family many times, how do they tolerate seeing their neighbors and friends going off on duty enforcing occupation on their fellow Palestinians in the West Bank or wherever they are allocated to. How does it feel to see Jewish immigrants from all over the world continue to pour into Ramla and many Israeli cities and yet attain more rights than them as Arab Israeli citizens and Palestinians, the indigenous population?

"We are used to it. Plus, this is our homeland. This is where we belong." - they would say.

If this is my homeland, I don't want to live in it. And no way do I belong here. In a few days, I will go back to the West Bank. And I-can't-wait. Israel has succeeded in making me feel like a stranger in my own homeland.

"My state is at war with my nation"

2011-08-21T05:08:00.000-07:00

During the 2006 Lebanese-Israeli War, Arab Israeli groups complained that the Israeli government did not protect its Arab citizens as it had protected its Jewish citizens from Hezbollah attacks.

The series of rocket attacks shooting from Gaza these last few days, so far more than 100, have landed on Israeli soil in the cities of Ashdod and Beersheva - less than an hour away from where I live in Ramle. Though cities like Ashdod are almost exclusively Jewish, many Arab Israelis work in and around these cities. There are more a 100,000 Bedouins living in the Negev Desert -not too far from Beersheva.

Living in Israel, it's more clear than ever that Arab Israelis (Palestinians) are just as vulnerable to these attacks as their Jewish neighbors. Many Arab Israelis were victims of terror attacks in the past. For example, 19 Arab Israelis were killed in the 2006 Lebanon war. And in 2003, a suicide bomb killed 21 people (several were Arab) and injured 51 at an Arab-owned beachfront restaurant in Haifa called Maxim. (In fact, I was just there a few weeks ago with my friend asking for directions. scary!).

And right now, I'm sitting in a cafe in a predominately Jewish city called Rhevot. My waitress is a wonderful young woman,who is trying so enthusiastically to speak to me in English and is proudly showing me her Arabic skills because she is dating a Palestinian she called, ''The most wonderful and amazing man I ever met". And if a rocket were to land here, me and my newly-founded waitress friend would be gone.

So I just had to ask. How does it feel, for Arab Israelis who live here and call this place home, when they see Israel attacking Palestinians in Gaza and Palestinians attacking Israel?

It seems that almost everyone I talked to (in Ramle and Lod) was against Israel's attack in Gaza while also against the attacks from Gaza into Israel. They identify Gazans as fellow Palestinians yet still want to retain their Israeli political identity and status. So I guess it's true when they say, "My state is at war with my nation".

An Identity Crisis?

2011-08-13T04:16:00.000-07:00

A girl who grew up in Israel got married to an American and moved to Brooklyn. Though it was a difficult transition, leaving all her family and the life she knew behind - when she saw the familiar yamakas and heard the familiar Hebrew in Borough Park, she was relieved.

The first few weeks in NYC, she only went to Jewish stores to buy her groceries where she was able to speak Hebrew to the store owners and make friendly chat with the customers. "I just came from Israel!", she would tell them. "And you make me feel like I'm still home!"

There's one missing but important element to the story. That the girl who found refuge in the Jewish community in Brooklyn is actually a Palestinian. Or what is more accurately accepted political reference: An Arab Israeli.

The girl is also my cousin.

When she told me this story, I was surprised.

Growing up as a Palestinian-American in the US, it was taboo to refer to the state of Israel as, well, Israel. It was always Palestine, or occupied Palestine, or Palestine el Dakhel (the interior), or Palestine of 1948. For the same reason, we avoided referring to the Palestinians who live in Israel as Arab Israeli. We also prefer terms like, "Arab el Dakhel" or "Arab '48". And we were always under the assumption that the Palestinians in Israel are suffering in some kind of identity crisis and lack of equal rights.

But when I came here. The reality seems quite different. And here is what some Arab Israelis have to say:

Rahat:

I spoke with a Bedouin girl in this Arab Bedouin city in the Negev (south) about her identity.

"I'm not Palestinian. I'm Israeli," she said. "We don't call ourselves Palestinian here. Because we aren't."

Bedouins are the only group who voluntarily serve in the Israeli army. Many of them are proud of it too.

Jerusalem:

A Palestinian girl from East Jerusalem , a contested chunk that the Palestinian Authority hopes to include in any future Palestinian state as its capital, says she is Palestinian and most Jerusalemites identify as Palestinians (they don't get Israeli citizenship but a special Jerusalem status card). But as for a future Palestinian state - they support it but wouldn't want to be included in it.

"I know for a fact that Palestinians in Jerusalem freak out whenever there is serious talk about East Jerusalem actually becoming part of any future Palestinian state. That would be a big loss for us. The benefits in Israel, the jobs, and a better life."

Um el Fahm:

I asked a middle-aged man who lives relatively comfortably with his large family in Um el Fahm, also known as the Center of the "Triangle", about a survey that was conducted in his city that stated that 83% of Um-el-Fahm residents opposed the idea of transferring their city to a future Palestinian state (which is a possibility if a two-state solution would materialize).

"The Palestinians (government) don't recognize us and we are not fully recognized by Israel. We are the true victims of the occupation. "

When I asked if the Palestinian leadership improved, would he then support Um el Fahm to join a Palestinian state and leave Israel?

"I am used to life here, as are my kids. Our businesses and financial security is here."

Haifa:

I was talking to a mechanic who was fixing the AC in my rental and he was asking me about what life was like in the West Bank since he had never been.

"Arabs and Jews are happy here together and we are both Israeli's, we are friends and brothers and sisters here. I know they are Palestinians and I am Palestinian, but I just don't see them (Palestinians in the West Bank) as the same."

Ramle:

This is where I have gained the most perspective because it is where my family lives and where I am currently staying for Ramadan. I have constantly complained about the mistreatment of Palestinians and Muslims in Israel as well as my

disapproval of their complete embrace of Israeli culture to which my aunt and uncle always counter:

"We recognize Israel is racist and treats us less than the Jews, but we would much rather be here than in the West Bank."

Though each Arab Israeli city is distinct with its Palestinians facing unique challenges - one thing is certain. For them, Israel is a reality. It exists. To them, they read their ID's and see that they are Israeli, not Palestinian. But more, many of them - if not proud - are not willing to change their political and legal identities to suit idealist dreams of Palestinian activists living abroad.

Beach trip gone wrong

2011-08-06T04:40:00.000-07:00

Israel or the '48 side, as some people prefer to call it, is a beautiful country. The holy sites, the rich history and architecture, the beaches, the mountains, the deserts, and the sophisticated infrastructure that connects them together makes the experience the more pleasant.

For these reasons and more, thousands of tourists pour into this country every month to get the experience of their lives. And for my friend, she had a different kind of experience. And it's not the type of experience you can prepare in a Lonely Planet Travel Guide.

That's because Lonely Planet will shy away from warning travelers that Israel is actually the epicenter of racism. That it might be okay to be a Muslim traveler, but beware if you looked Muslim. And that makes a world of a difference in Israel.

There is one group of people in Israel who suffer the exhausting racial profiling the most: the covered Muslim women. Because wherever a girl in hijab goes in this country- she will get pulled to the side for inspection. At the mall, at the airport, a checkpoint and wherever Israel considers a "sensitive area".

Most people have an idea about this sort of thing. But unless you look obviously Muslim, which most tourists and international visitors don't, there is no way you could really understand the excessive racism in this country. And for my hijabi friend, who was an American tourist who came on 'vacation' to Israel and the Palestinian territories, it was a rude awakening. Because while she has absolutely no ties to Palestine or Palestinians...she was treated like she could be the next Palestinian suicide bomber...just because she covered her head.

The racial profiling began the moment she landed at Ben Gurion Airport.

After being questioned for almost four hours my friend was handed her passport without a VISA stamped in it. "I won't give you a VISA," the airport border control officer told her, "because I saw that you have a stamp from the United Arab Emirates and if they saw an Israeli stamp, they won't let you back into their country."

My friend, exhausted after four hours of questioning, was so grateful at that point to see her passport again that she thanked the officer without questions.

She would enter Israel without a VISA. What the officer should have done was give her a visa on a separate sheet of paper. But he didn't. On purpose. But he was so nice to her about it that she actually believed he was doing her a favor, oblivious to his canny racism.

It wasn't until two days later that I would find out about her debacle. She had casually mentioned that she doesn't have a VISA stamped in her passport.

There were some sharp diatribes of "How could you not demand for a stamp!" and "Don't you know this is a country that will check you wherever you go - especially because your'e a hijabi?" and most importantly "How are you going to be able to go in and out of the West Bank and pass the checkpoints without a VISA?"

I had warned her before she came. I told her about the interrogation at the airport. That she should be careful and expect 'special treatment'. But I wasn't prepared for this. I've heard of short term handwritten 'one-week visas'. Or VISA's stamped on a separate sheet of paper. But NO VISA? What-the-hell?

There were moments of frustration and regret for both me and my friend, since I would be the one to accompany her wherever she traveled. And we had already gone into the West Bank where I lived. Going into the West Bank wasn't the issue. The Israeli's never check who goes in. It was leaving the West Bank and into Israel that was going to be problematic.

But it had to be done. The best and fun things to do and see was in Israel, since as many Palestinians would say, "they took the best parts of Palestine". Plus, my friend would eventually have to go back in since she needs to leave through the airport where she came from.

The American Embassy told her that she shouldn't have a problem because she is American. The Israeli Ministry of Interior said she should go to the airport to figure things out and that at checkpoints, she could explain her situation and she'll be fine. The Palestinian Ministry of Interior said that she must find a way to sneak into Israel because Israeli's won't let her go in without a VISA - regardless.

We knew that the Palestininan Ministry of Interior was probably on the dot. But it's very
difficult to sneak through. So we hoped that the Israeli Ministry was right.

We went to the checkpoint to enter Israel via Jerusalem through the infamous Qalandiyah Checkpoint. We both stood in line behind the metal bars for about 30 minutes because each passing person must show their proper documents (foreign passports with appropriate VISAs, West Bank ID holders with tasareeh (special permission) or Israeli ID cards (Arab Israelis or Palestinians of East Jerusalem).

My friend had none of those and so she was told that she couldn't go through. She explained to the young officer (who was on his IPad and kept interrupting the conversation to answer his phone) her situation and how she needs to go through somehow - but to no avail. He very rudely and very aggressively said he doesn't know and doesn't care about her problem, and to turn back.

"Thanks for NOTHING! You're so USELESS!" she yelled at him before she left.

As if he cared. He casually sat back down and focused his attention on his IPad.

She went back to the parking lot at Qalandiyah Checkpoint and was told by bystanders that there was an alternative: The Hizma Checkpoint used mostly by Israeli settlers.

There are some undercover private taxi cabs that take passengers from the West Bank to Israel through Hizma Checkpoint. And my friend explained to them her situation and one offered to take her but with one condition: take off the hijab.

She was appauled. And refused.

He insisted it was the only way the Israeli's won't inspect her passport as she drives through the checkpoint. And she insisted that she couldn't compromise her religious values.

The taxi driver eventually suggested that he would jack the price to 200 shekels (it is usually 50) and that she must tie her scarf the way Israeli settler women tie it - behind her neck.

My friend agreed. And to cover her ethnic look, she hid behind heavy sunglasses.

As they approached the Hizma checkpoint, my friend was nervous. Her heart pounded.

They slowly drove........passed.....through.

She wanted to jump and scream with joy but was told that would make her look suspicious. She held herself until she was finally inside Jerusalem (Israel).

We were relieved as she updated me by phone what had happened -and we met up. We took a taxi to the airport. We must have confused the taxi driver since we went without any bags.

Before entering the airport, there is a checkpoint that stopped our taxi. There were eight passengers and only we were told to get down. They briefly inspected our passports and let us through.

At the terminal, everyone was let through the gate except for us. We got pulled to the side, had our passports taken and bags checked thoroughly.

It was becoming an annoying pattern.

My friend explained her situation and was escorted to the information desk by security only to be told that because "you arrived on a different date we can't issue you a VISA".

My friend scrambled viciously through the airport. Running back and forth on all three levels. And for nothing. She never got any guidance or help.

We exited the airport and sat outside where she broke down. "Let's go to the beach and forget about it," I suggested.

We got on the train that is connected to the airport and headed to Tel Aviv. My friend was already feeling better as we had packed our towels and a change of clothes. In the train, there was a newspaper and my friend was playing Sodoku on it. She picked up the newspaper and stashed it in her bag to continue playing later.

To exit the train, we had to walk through the mall and then go over a bridge and then down a set of steep stairs. Directly in front of us was a building where we saw people walking in and out from. There was a man standing in front of it.

I'm not that familiar with Tel Aviv so I didn't know where we could get buses to the beach so I casually went up to him and asked him, "Excuse me, do you know where we can get a shoroot (bus) to the beach?"

He snarled. "Give me your passports."

And the interrogation began. With thorough body searches. With half a dozen policemen arriving on the scene.

We were separated. Our phones were taken away. Our passports were being passed from one interrogator to another.

I was sitting in an office and had no idea where my friend was or if she was even in the same building. And then an officer came up to me with a stern look on his face.

"You said you don't speak Hebrew," he tried to accuse me. "But we found this newspaper, in Hebrew, in your friend's bag."

"Um. Yeah. She found it in the train."

"No, this is not the type of newspaper you can find in the train."

"Well. That's where it was. She was playing number games on it. You know, it doesn't require Hebrew. Just numbers."

When I asked why we were being treated this way, that all we wanted to do was go to the beach...we were told that we were "behaving suspiciously" and breached "security".They never elaborated.

We were finally reunited - three hours later - at the back seat of a police car where were being taken to the Tel Aviv police station.

"I can't believe we're sitting in the police car," my friend said with a giggle, trying to make light of the situation.

We were taken down the stairs and sat at a bench directly adjacent to a cell where the prisoners harassed us verbally in Arabic.

After two hours of waiting, still not understanding what we did and why we were taken to the police after hours of questioning and body searches -- a heavy man (looked like a sherrif) came down and asked us if we knew why we were being held up for so long.

"Yes, we are here because of discrimination," I said. "Because of the way we look - we are here. This is racism."

"No, this isn't racism. It's security. You were in a sensitive area and we have to take precaution."

"What sensitive area? We just wanted to ask how to get to the beach!"

"You were in a military camp."

"How could we know that? There are no signs. There are tons of people walking around and it's right in front of a mall. Why the hell would there be something so 'sensitive' right in front of a mall."

"I didn't design it."

"You only stopped us, not anyone else. And you tell us we are suspicious. How exactly? It's because of the way we look. Because of the scarf on our heads. How isn't this racism?"

"You have to understand. You're people, the ARABS, have tried to blow up Israelis so many times in the past."

"You are telling me to understand racism?"

"Anyways, if you are found innocent and all of this was just a misunderstanding, you will be out before the end of the night."

And he left.

We stayed for about another hour after that, patiently ignoring the athan (call to prayer) and singing coming from the Arab prisoners in the jail cells -- intended to grab our attention.

Finally, we were taken upstairs and waited at another bench and minutes later, we were handed back our passports. It was almost 10p.m. In total, we were held up for 5 hours.

We had experienced racial profiling at its finest. And it didn't help that I was already a mixed bag of red flags thanks to being a hijabi (red flag #1) with an American passport who works and lives in Ramallah (red flag #2) with a friend who doesn't even have a VISA (red flag #3) in a sensitive military "camp" (red flag #4).

With our dry towels - we left Tel Aviv and went back to Jerusalem. The only two things we wanted to do that day was get my friend a VISA and go to the beach. We were able to accomplish neither.

The last bus from Jerusalem to Ramallah already left so we had to stay in a hostel in Jerusalem that night. We saw regular Israeli's dashing through the lighted streets of Jaffa Road (Share'h Yaffa) and as they were happilly enjoying their nights dipping in and out of the bustling cafe's - we were bitter.

These people probably live their whole lives without knowing the ugly side of their country. The very racist and hateful policies of the 'security-obsessed' state where anything is excusable in the name of security.

"If they shot you, it wouldn't even have made the news," the Palestinian taxi driver had told us in Jeursalem. "Your (American) embassy wouldn't care, and nobody would get punished. Israelis are scared easily. You guys were actually lucky they didn't do more to you."

I'm proud of wearing hijab and all, but I don't know if I could handle being a hijabi in such a blatantly racist country.

My friend went back to the states vowing that she would never return. "This has been the most humiliating experience of my life," she told the officer who checked her intensively when she was dropped off at the airport. "I'm never coming back here again!"

The Hijab Complex

2011-07-15T23:16:00.000-07:00

This is a follow-up to the previous post, "Give Hijabis a Break".

The Hijab concept is complicated. You have an array of categories for girls who wear the hijab (hijabis), who don't wear it (non-hijabis), who wore and it took it off (de-hijabed) and girls who are confused and indecisive about it.

Lets scratch the surface.

A. Girls who wear the hijab because...

1. ... they truly believe it is a requirement in Islam on their own.

2. ..nobody is really 'forcing' them but the hijab really isn't so bad. Not worth taking off.

2. ...their parents force/pressure them into it

3....their societies force/pressure them into it

4....to prove a social or political point as a minority in a non-Muslim majority country

B. Girls who don't wear the hijab because...

1. ...they believe it's a requirement but just aren't 'ready' for it

2. ...they believe it's a requirement, or at least, good to wear, but hey, it's really tough to wear it these days, with the media so hostile towards Islam and Muslims. Have you seen what a hijabi goes through in the airport?

3. ...they don't believe it is necessary or that is is an Islamic requirement, that it is derived from Arab culture - but they don't have a problem with girls who wear it. "It's their choice."

4. ...hate it. Believe it's a form of oppression and an outdated reminder of the subjugation of women. It's different times now. Being modern and covering hair are contradicting.

C. Girls who wore it at some point but took it off because...

1. ...they came to a realization or conclusion that it is not a requirement in Islam

2. ...they do still believe it's an Islamic requirement, but decided that they have been wearing it for the 'wrong reason' whether because it wasn't "from their hearts" or they were pressured into it. Plus, it's not what you wear that matters. Islam and your beliefs comes "from within".

3....they're not at all interested in the religious aspect because lets face it, you can't dress the way you like with a hijab no matter how 'stylish' hijabs are becoming. And it sucks in the summer.

4. ...there is too much discrimination. At work, school, etc. Don't want to be held back by some fabric on my head.

D. Girls who wear it but want to take it off, but won't because...

1. ...some rules you hate but know it's better for you.

2. ...their parents/family will be disappointed

2. ...people (Muslim community) will talk about them and might blow marriage proposals

The point isn't so much that there is such a complicated spectrum of hijabis, or ex-hijabis, but that regardless of which category a 'hijabi' falls under - she will get criticized. As a veteran hijabi, I can confidently say that the most critical of hijabis are the non-hijabis.

So this is for the critics....

In case this didn't seem obvious, the hijab is NOT easy to wear -- and not just because its very hot in the summer.

However hijabis decide to compliment the hijab, be it some eyeliner or fitting designer jeans -- it's still tough to embrace the hijab.

In the U.S., for example, hijabis are signaling themselves as Muslims. Consequently, they are vulnerable to a myriad of backlashes from excessive staring, the marathon of questions to racial slurs and harassment. It's also tough during job interviews, going through security at the airport, or even getting help from an associate in the mall or waiting for a table. The list goes on. But the fact remains - hijabis will almost always get treated less favorably.

For that, hijabis deserve - regardless -some respect.

I thought things would be easier when I came to live in Palestine since there are so many hijabis and it's a predominantly conservative Muslim country. That was the case in Nablus (although many wondered if I only wore it in Palestine) - but not in Ramallah.

In Ramallah, especially if you are young, there is discrimination against hijabis. I've been to a couple of interviews where I was told that they don't prefer to hire girls who cover their hair (imagine that in the U.S.!) but would make an exception since I was "from America."

Phone companies (Jawwal) and many bank institutions in Ramallah have an unwritten rule to only hire girls who don't wear the hijab to represent their company.

Why?

Most local professional women or young women sitting in posh cafes dotting the affluent city are not covered. But go to a refugee camp or village, and most women you will find covered. So what is the obvious conclusion?

There were many instances where I was the only hijabi in a group of friends or professionals in Ramallah and when the issue of women's rights or hijab came up -I always made it to a point that the hijab was my choice, that it is possible to be a normal, modern independent Muslim female who wears hijab. (it was ironic that I had to prove such a point in a supposedly Muslim country)

So the hijab issue is a deep one. Hijabis are placed under a magnifying glass and yet continue to be misunderstood. So I say this again. If you have a tendency (as most people do) to unfairly scrutinize hijabis - try to sympathize. Maybe wear a hijab one day. Even in your tight jeans and some lip gloss. And then you will see that there is more to the hijab than what meets the eye.

Give Hijabis a break!

2011-07-15T08:15:00.003-07:00

Remember the famous news story that broke out following the 9/11 attacks when an assembly of angry Americans were trying to storm a mosque in Chicago?

Thankfully, a group of young Muslims came to its defense like a SWAT team decked out in guns and knives.

The Mosque was saved. And the defenders of the mosque became local heroes. Here's the irony though. These 'defenders of the mosque' had never stepped foot in that mosque before that day.

This raised a debate in that mosque. Should these men be treated as champions of Islam? They weren't "religious", after-all. Islam, to them, was just an identity - reawakened at a time where Muslims were becoming targets of hate crimes.

Though I don't have the statistics, I heard that several Muslim women started to take up the hijab after 9/11.

When I hear these stories, it is almost always followed by, "These girls are wearing it for the wrong reason."

The logic was that, If you're going to wear the hijab, you have to wear it the 'right' way or for the "right reason'" otherwise, there was "no point" in wearing it.

Then of course, there are the other 'wrong' reasons for wearing the hijab such as girls who wear it "because they have to". ie: Girls from conservative Islamic societies or families.

"The hijab won't count for them," I've heard multiple times in America and even in Palestine, suggesting that even though they cover themselves their whole lives, it's as if they didn't cover at all in the eyes of God because it wasn't "from their hearts".

If you wear it for identity reasons, it's wrong. If you wear it because you don't want your parents to hate you, it's wrong. If you wear it with tight pants, or with make-up or with flashy jewelry - your defeating the whole purpose. It won't count

So in the end, if you covered for the wrong reasons or the wrong way, you are the same as someone who didn't cover. No, you are worse, you are a hypocrite.

What is the right way?

What is the right reason?

What is the point in wearing it?

There are different answers to these questions. But the general understanding - it seems - is that if you wear the hijab, you have to present Islam as perfectly as possible. Because if you wear hijab, you are religious. If you are religious, you shouldn't sin.

But....

....shouldn't all Muslims present Islam as perfectly as possible? If a hijabi has to be a good and proper Muslim, shouldn't all Muslims be good and proper Muslims? Who decided that this one particular Islamic practice -the hijab - exponentially elevates a Muslim's religiosity?

No wonder so many girls don't want to wear it. No wonder so many girls take it off.

It's so much pressure.

Hijabis, it seems, never get a break.

Tulkarem and Dallas Arabs - not so different

2011-06-30T01:57:00.000-07:00

There are some cities that just don't grab your attention right away - Tulkarem is one such city.

Aside from Palestine's most famous amusement park called "Mega Land", Tulkarem offers little to the curious traveler. And as one native "Karimi" pointed out, the only time they see "ajaneb" (tourists/foreigners) is when they want to study the Tulkarem refugee camp - one of the largest refugee camps in the West Bank and one of the most dire.

[An interesting fact about this camp is that it has a sizable African-Palestinian population. As one Palestinian put it, "You will feel like you are walking in Harlem"]

I didn't know anyone in Tulkarem but the guy I met in Jericho gave me his friend's number to contact when I go there. But what ended up happening was the guy I did meet in Tulkarem was actually a friend of a friend of the Jericho guy.

To complicate things further, when the friend of a friend of the Jericho guy came to meet me at the taxi lot, he dropped me off at another friend's place since he had to be at work.

I know some people find my quick willingness to trust these chains of strangers to be a bit reckless - but so far it's led me to great people and great experiences in Palestine.

The friend's friend's friend - who was 23 - offered to give me a tour of the Tulkarem Camp. On the way to the camp, we talked about America and American music.

"I thought you were anjnabiyeh"

"I am...kind of."

"No you are Palestinian. You dress (hijab) like a Palestinian and talk like a Palestinian. Inti Zayna. (You are like us)"

"Yes. You're right. I am like you. We are the same. We are Palestinian!"

We both grinned. I feel so welcomed and at home in simple Palestinian cities like Tulkarem or Jericho. I felt much closer to these 'strangers' in Tulkarem than I did with my neighbors in Ramallah.

We then talked about American music. He showed me pictures of Britany Spears on his phone.

"Do you know her?" he asked.

(seriously?) "Yeah.... Britany....Spears"

"Yeah!"

After that, we played more 'guess who?' games of Western pop stars including Avril Lavigne, Katy Perry and -- of course -- Celine Dion and 50 cent. (Palestinian favorites ...for-some-reason)

When he didn't know who Ke$ha was, I diverted the conversation and started asking about what life was like in the camp. He lived in another camp in Tulkarem called "Ain Shams", which

was much smaller and according to him, "classier" than the Tulkarem camp.

He also explained the social dimension of Tulkarem. Because he comes from Ain Shams, he doesn't really mingle with people from the Tulkarem Camp and that generally there is some tension between the Ain Shams crew vs. the Tulkarem Camp crew as well as the "city people" and the "camp people".

But on the surface, there is no way you can tell. Every greeting between Karamis was very friendly and respectful. "Keefak Habibi" (How are you love) is a standard greeting to strangers.

"Okay, we are here." my tour guide said.

But I was confused. It didn't look like a refugee camp. It looked OK. Dense residential area with poor infrastructure and narrow roads. "Oh, it's not so bad," I said.

"No, we are just on the main street. When we go inside the camp - deep inside - you will see how bad it is."

So we went in and passed the barefoot children playing on what was gradually becoming a really tight alley. This is kind of mean to think about, but there is no way really 'large' people can walk through some of these alleys.

I've been to several camps in the West Bank and in Jordan, and while the anatomy of each camp slightly differs, the basics are the same. Cramp and run-down with graffiti splashed on the gray compounds that forges the camp together. Refugee camps like this reminds you of the Palestine you see on T.V.

It didn't really look 'like Harlem'. But you can say Palestinian refugee camps are strikingly similar to what we call 'the projects' back in the states. But instead of the government footing the bill, it was the United Nations Refugee and Works Agency or UNRWA.

After the tour, which was difficult because it was almost 100degrees farenheit, we went to one of the "roof" cafes back in the city. There are four in total and even the nicest ones don't measure up to the Ramallah cafes.

But it was nice. A more Palestinian experience.

From the rooftop, you can see how small and flat Tulkarem is. But what was really interesting is that because Tulkarem borders Israel, you could clearly see the separation wall, which looked like a thin gray road. On the other side of the wall, you could see cars running on an Israeli highway and the Israeli coastal city of Netanya - which only lays 9 miles away.

We ordered summer must-have combos: cocktails and argeeleh and my tour guide showed me pictures of his uncovered hijabi friends on his phone. (No, I didn't ask. He just offered). So I asked him about Tulkarem's youth in general.

"You hear stories about girls and guys from Tulkarem and Jenin who kind of let loose when they reach Ramallah or even Nablus. What do you think?"

"Yeah. It's true. But it's a few, though I think they are growing. It's hard to do anything here. Everyone knows everyone. So they might go to Ramallah and you know, feel more free. "

"So it doesn't ever happen here?"

"It does. It's hard. But it does."

He explained that in almost all situations, if a guy and a girl are on a "date", the guy will never make the first move. It is always the girl's call.

"If she shows him she wants something, then it will happen."

"Oh, so it's the girls fault then. Guys are innocent and just respond to invitations?"

"No. But if a guy asks to do something, the girl will either reject him or if she agrees- she might claim she was pressured. So it's just safer to wait for the girl to make the move. That's the only way to know 'for sure'."

"Interesting. But isn't that risky for the girl? To put her reputation at risk like that? Tulkarem is small and it's all about reputation for Arab girls of marriageable age. How do girls like that get married?"

"That's why most girls who do initiate are the older ones."

"Older?"

"Yeah. The ones who think they are too old to get married anyways. Like they are in their 30's and you know, they need to fulfill their needs so they don't care anymore at that point."

"So you are saying there is no hope for a girl in her 30's to find a husband?"

"It's hard. It's easier for her to find a young man (who wouldn't refuse) instead of worrying about marriage."

I felt irritated. But I can't say I was in any way surprised..especially since this mentality is still very alive in my own Arab/Palestinian community back in the states.

So though I could have responded with disgust, with disappointment at how archaic such attitudes were about women, all I- the American-Palestinian - could reply to that comment was, "I know what you mean."

"It's the same in America? With the Arabs?"

"Yes. Our communities usually pressure girls to marry before 25. And if you are nearing 30, people talk."

I felt ashamed. What excuse did Palestinians in the USA have to retain such insulting and defeatist attitudes of women?

We left the "roof" cafe and when we reached the city, I looked around at the women in their hijabs and jilbabs and remembered how my tour guide boasted how 'he could tell' which woman is 'that type'. And I couldn't help but sympathize with 'those type of women' -since some resorted to 'those tactics' because they had given up hope thanks to a societal mandate that the older she is, the less valuable she is (for marriage).

Sure, there are biological justifications to push girls to marry early because her 'bio-clock is ticking' - but is it natural for a woman to feel like she has no hope for marriage passed a certain age? Don't women have the right to anticipate marriage no matter how old she is?

"That's life and it's natural. Men can reproduce at any age. Women can't. But Islam has a solution for those women who are too old or are divorced. Polygamy!"

Great answer right?

Surprisingly...but not so surprisingly... that's a response a Palestinian friend from Dallas - who has never lived in Palestine- gave me.

Looking for our house in Jericho

2011-06-27T01:17:00.000-07:00

All I knew was that the house my dad grew up in was somewhere in Jericho. And that the house is still legally under my grandfather's name but had been sold illegally by some members of the family.

It sucks yeah? But what really sucks is that nobody in my family seems too bothered by it. Nobody is trying to evict the tenants, reclaim or even visit the house. My dad, the most gun-ho Palestinian nationalist in Dallas, is sitting in Jordan a few miles away as he scrapes for excuses not to come.

So as the eldest daughter who happens to be in Palestine - it was up to me now. I must save our house!

It's sad that I've been here for 10 months and it didn't occur to me to rescue the house until now - but better late than never!

With no address and no contacts in Jericho, I hopped on a taxi to Jericho and anticipated how my mixed luck was going to help me find the house.

If there is one thing I learned I can do, it's that I can Daber 7ali, or 'figure it out'.

I sat in the backseat in an all-male passenger car. There were two kids, probably in their early teens, sitting in front of me.

"Khala (Auntie), there are two (older) guys sitting in the back, if you want, you can sit with us."

"Khala?"

"..."

"KHALA?? How old do I look!?"

They laughed. And then I laughed. Though it really wasn't funny.

As the car took off, I finished my cocktail drink that I got (which is so good for the summer!) and didn't know what to do with the empty disposable container. I hate carrying food/drinks while commuting so I asked,

"Is there a trash can?"

The two guys sitting next to me laughed.

"Your asking if there's a trash can inside the taxi?" the guy sitting next to me asked, and then told the kid who called me 'khala' to take it from me. The kid, who tried to do damage control by saying it was my sunglasses that 'made me look older', took the cup and dumped it out the window.

Ugh. He just littered. Or, maybe I just littered.

I was about to put on my headphones when the guy next to me pulled out a black Macbook from his backpack.

"Where did you get that?" I asked.

"America"

"For how much?"

"$400"

"No way! Those are at least $1,000"

"Yeah but my sister got it from a nigg**"

"OH. yeah. okay. that's why. But you shouldn't call them that."

"Why not? They call themselves that. Okay. I'll call them 'homies'"

"Homies?"

"Yeah. We have a lot of 'homies' in Jericho."

"Oh yeah. Palestinian-Africans."

"Yup. They tell us to call them 'homies'."

We conversed throughout the commute to Jericho and as always, within 10 minutes of talking to me, they realize "I'm not from here". But that's improvement, it used to take 5 minutes for locals to catch my American accent or grammar mix-up.

I almost never tell them I'm from America unless they figure it out. Which they always do. And the question marathon began, but I got an unusual one this time.

"Are you Muslim?"

"Uhh...are you really asking me that?" (maybe he couldn't see the hijab?)

"Well. Some Christians wear it, you know, from the heat..."

"Right...."

We passed some sand dunes and camels before finally feeling the scorching heat of Jericho. The windows were not allowed open at some point, though the (weak) AC did little to alleviate the heat.

The oldest inhabited city in the world - 20,000 years and going strong - most people associate Jericho as the city in-route to Jordan or where the Dead Sea is.

There's more to Jericho, of course.

But today, I was not interested in checking out the historic and tourist spots of Jericho - I came to find our house.

How? I had NO idea. But I knew that Palestinian men almost never turn down a request for help. And I am also aware that Palestinian men in Palestine, at least outside of Ramallah, will go out of their way to help you. Whatever it takes. Whatever appointments they would have to miss or fiance's they would piss (off). That's almost a rule of thumb. (it's a broad generalization but I've come to discover the double standards of criticism - positive generalizations are almost always OK)

The two guys from the taxi were perfect examples of my stereotype. But I only needed one, so the macbook guy left and the 'Are you Muslim?' guy stayed with me.

We went to a coffee-shop (like, an all-male one where 50'year old's hang out) right across from the main duwar and asked two guys sitting outside --who were miraculously tolerating the suns heavy rays--- if they knew my grandfather who lived in Jericho in the 60's and 70's.

"What's his name?"

"Ahmad Dirbashi"

"Deer Shaba?"

"No. D-I-R-B-A-S-H-I"

"No. Never heard that name."

My accomplice added that I came from America to find the house. (A bit of an exaggeration) and we were soon circled with more middle-aged men , all who were glowing varying degrees of the sun's marks on their faces.

What was supposed to be questions for me became a discussion amongst the men.

"There is no Dirbashi. But, there are Darweesh and Ibish and Ajaweh"

"Are you giving her choices?"

"I'm trying to think. The house you are talking about. Who lives in it now?"

"She doesn't know."

"It might have been a house that got demolished a while ago because nobody lived in them."

"No the house was apparently sold. So there are people in it. We just don't know who."

After about 30 minutes, it was concluded that because my grandfather lived a generation before them, I should find the mukhtar, or the unofficial mayor, who is wise and knows all - but most importantly because he was really old.

They pointed to us the coffee shop he always sits in, right across the street. So my accomplice and I went in. Though the man was a fossil, with more wrinkles on his face than I could count, he had no clue what or who I was talking about.

It was still too early to give up.

On our way out, two of the men from the earlier coffee shop were running towards us.

"We figured it out! We figured it out! We know where it is!"

"Really!!? Ahmad Dirbashi's house?"

"Yes. We found a guy who used to be your neighbor. Or your father's neighbor! He's inside that car, we can take you to it."

Excited and in disbelief - I got in the car and that man introduced himself as "your dad's old neighbor." I was a little skeptical. It couldn't have been THAT easy to find it.

"So you knew my seedo (grandfather?)"

"Yes of course. And your grandmother. They lived together for a long time."

"What do you know about my grandmother?" (testing him)

"From Jerusalem and her Arabic was broken right?"

"Yeah! That's her!" (he passed)

The car stopped in front of a big square garden that was so dried up it looked like a slice of the desert. On the other side of the garden stood three very modest stone dwellings barely visible from the overlapping citrus trees.

"It's the house to the right" my dad's old neighbor said before dropping us off.

The gate was locked so we knew people were living in it. But nobody answered the door bell or our constant knocking so we asked a kid on his bike who was living in the house.

"A family from Hebron, they come every few weeks or so."

Ah. My dads house was turned into a vacation house. It was bought as an EXTRA! I was going to feel bad if I tried to take back a house that people were living in, but this was clearly a rich Hebron family's EXTRA house.

We are so going to try to get it back! Even if the house looked like an old stone box - it is OUR house. The Dirbashi's only property in the land of Palestine. And WE WILL TAKE IT BACK!

I already prepared some of the papers to prove it was still legally our house. So I took the name of the family and will hunt them down in Hebron.

..bet they won't be expecting a Palestinian-American at their doorstep demanding the Dirbashi right of return to her house in Jericho.

Ya Ya, I'm trying to take back a piece of land from fellow Palestinians. So the dramatization is not necessary. But still. A vacation house? How insulting!

Nobody - Palestinian or not- turns our only footprint in Palestine into a getaway house!

Is Palestine a Muslim country?

2011-06-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: Palestine = West Bank and Gaza

Recently, I've come to re-think of my posts as 'negative' vs. 'positive'

But like many things in life - what may be perceived as positive to some people is not perceived as such for others.

A lot of people I grew up with in my conservative Muslim community back in Dallas, for example, will find it extremely disheartening that there is a growing detachment to religion in a Palestinian city like Ramallah. Others, like an Israeli Jewish couple I met in Jerusalem, were applauding the Palestinian people because Ramallah was becoming so "modern and secular - with it's nightclubs and alcohol."

So when the question of, "Is Palestine a Muslim country?" came up - it fueled a big debate at my friend's place last night. We were sitting on the sofa in the living room, after a meal of stuffed chicken. There were two Muslims (me and another girl), a Palestinian Christian, a Palestinian of Muslim origin but claims no religion, and a British atheist.

We were discussing how to prepare for Ramadan here in Palestine and the British vented that people tend to get angry when they don't have anything to eat all day - and how inconvenient life in general is during Ramadan even in an open society like Ramallah.

"I'm sorry, but you are in a Muslim country, you should have some respect for Ramadan," my Muslim friend said - annoyed.

"This isn't a Muslim country," the Palestinian of Muslim origin - who grew up in the conservative and heavily Islamic Tulkarem - said.

"This is a Muslim country, this isn't opinion, it's fact. Ask anyone on the streets. Ask them, is Palestine a Muslim country? See what they say! Just because Ramallah is secular, doesn't mean you can apply that to the rest of Palestine," she said.

"No. Saudia Arabia is a Muslim country. Palestine is secular."

"Is that why Mahmoud Abbas (the president) recites verses from the Quran when he is on the podium? - because Palestine is so secular?" I intervened.

"He isn't supposed to do that. The government is not Islamic, Saudi Arabia and Iran are Muslim countries."

"That's different. Those are Islamic states. We are talking demographics. Palestine is a Muslim-majority country and 98% of people here are Muslim. Therefore, it's a Muslim country. Just like America - America with all its constitutional divide of state versus church - America is still a Christian country, demographically," I said.

"But Palestine is sensitive. This country is the birthplace of Christianity and Islam (and Judaism). So to call it a Muslim country is , you know, sensitive. But in reality, it is. I mean even my mom, who is Christian, says we should respect the Muslim ways because it is a Muslim country," the Palestinian Christian said.

Stated above are all opinion, of course. And this post will expand on mine...

While it's true, Palestine (including Jerusalem) is holy for many religions so to blanket it as a Muslim country might be a contended issue - but to say Palestine is secular is like saying Palestine is like France or Sweden. Do we really want to make that comparison? Insulting Islam is dangerous business in Palestine as the recent blasphemous blogger might attest. A native of Qalqilyah, the anonymous blogger insulted the Prophet Mohammad and claimed to be God on his blog and now faces a potential life sentence on "heresy charges for insulting the divine essence."

So much for a secular Palestine. While there may not be any laws to sentence the blogger and there does exist secular pockets- because of the enormous outcry by the heavily Muslim populace of Palestine, the Palestinian Authority had no choice but to prosecute him.

Imagine that happening in France. Or even in America.

It wouldn't.

Growing up in the states, we are constantly told that we have religious freedom and that means all religions are vulnerable to ridicule or attack. (of course, Muslims in the West are still trying to come to terms with Islam being attacked - remember cartoons?) Not everyone likes it, but those are the rules.

But that is not how Palestinians are brought up here. The tolerance level for blasphemy is low and that's why travel guides like Lonely Planet will strongly advise to be respectful of Muslim traditions and that insulting Islam is a very bad idea.

A few months ago, I had a huge discussion with students in Nablus about religion. It was at the university in a classroom setting and the students insisted that there are only three religions in the world. Islam, Christianity and Judaism. And I asked them, what about Buddhism or Hinduism? To that they replied, "The Quran only acknowledges the monotheistic religions. Those are not religions."

I was frustrated at this, especially because my mother's entire family are Shinto (a Japanese fusion of Buddhism and ancient Japanese tradition).

But it was an unanimous response with no room for debate. I tried to convince them that the world is a big place and we should be more open-minded about people's beliefs. And while I would like to think that I made some difference that day - I probably didn't.

And that's natural - because again - Palestine (West Bank/Gaza) is very Muslim in its character. Not as hardcore as Saudi Arabia and not as chilled out as Bosnia - but it's hard to take out Islam out of any discussion.

Even the courts in the "secular" Palestinian Authority rely on Islamic jurisprudence rather than secular rules in issues like marriage, divorce, inheritance and custody. That's because in the Palestinian Constitution, Article 4, it states the following:

Islam is the official religion in Palestine. Respect and sanctity of all other heavenly religions shall be maintained.
The principles of Islamic Shari’a shall be the main source of legislation.
Arabic shall be the official language.

So Palestinian apologist or not, that's the reality and not necessarily a 'negative' one. To my religious friends - that's great news. A relief. Islam continues to thrive in Palestine. To others who feel like because the media is already overwhelmingly anti-Palestinian thanks to Islamist militant groups like Hamas- this topic should be avoided all together.

For me personally, it's not wholly negative or positive. While I don't agree to jail offenders of Islam, and I find myself being accused of "questioning the Quran" when I interpret things differently- I like the Islamic reminders in Palestine. I like hearing the athan (call to prayer) every morning. I like that people hang verses of the Quran in their shops or that there are random signs on the streets that read 'Remember Allah". I also like when Christians do the same. But that's because I strongly identify with my Islamic background and in general, respect people who openly practice their faith.

For other people, those same things might be a form of stigma of intolerance or - backwardness. And a religious atmosphere might even be seen as a breeding ground for "dangerous" Islamist ideologies like Hamas or Al Qaeda. And that it might undermine Palestinian efforts to resist recognizing Israel as a Jewish state.

So I think that was the underlying frustration in the "Is Palestine a Muslim country" debate. All sides were trying to promote Palestine positively - but from different lenses.

But that's life, isn't it? Nothing is outright positive or negative - it's all relative. And so is Lena's blog! :)

To my readers

2011-06-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

Google Blogspot has this amazing feature called, 'Stats'. It shows the blogger how many pageviews they get per blog post, which country they are reading from and even tells you what browser and operating system they are using.

I have been blogging regularly since last September, and published 38 blog posts. I tried to be diverse in my blogging, writing from the random things I experience through my travels here, retelling stories and trends I hear from the people I meet, and offering my unique perspective as a Palestinian-American-Japanese living in Ramallah but who also goes back and forth between her Arab-Israeli family in Ramla and writing about everything - from the people, places or institutions I am confronted with - all while trying to entertain the reader.

Coming from a journalism background, I know I have been disappointing. I was not always objective and I have been more opiniated than I would have liked. But I never claimed this blog should be a source of reference on Palestine or the Palestinian people. It was originally dedicated as a place where my friends in Dallas can follow up with me on what I experience.

But as I extended my stay, I discovered that along the way I gained more followers, more pageviews outside of Dallas. I have readers from India, Australia, Slovenia, Canada, Jordan and Germany. I also realized that my satiric posts (and there are a few) that were intended as a fun read because I touch on issues that is 'okay to talk and joke around with your friends about but not publish' --were the most read. For example, my recent posts on "Mean Girls:Palestinian version" and "Scandalous Palestinian Girls" are among the most read posts. The blogs I'm most proud of, that would stir the least controversy, like "Conversations in Jerusalem", "Arabs and Israeli's as neighbors" and "Chasing Pakistanis" were among the least-read.

So when readers say things like "Lena only writes negative things about Palestine" or "all Lena does is stereotype" - to them I say: Of the 38 blog posts, you've obviously only read 3 or 4 to come to that conclusion.

So before judging me, maybe they should judge themselves for choosing only to read what they perceive as negative. It is people who focus on that type of news, who are attracted only to that type of reading that have lead publications and the newspaper industry to conclude that 'only bad news is news'.

Regardless, I will continue to write with as much diversity as travel experiences require and to meet the tastes of my diverse readership. And now that I know my readers have grown beyond just my friends back in Dallas (who know me well enough to know that whatever I say -I in fact love Palestine and the Palestinian people- that I am the first to come to their defense)- I will try to be more sensitive on what may be percieved as offensive posts. So for those who have felt offended - my apologies.

But keep in mind that the blog is a sanctuary for my thoughts that I am sharing with anyone who is interested in listening. And I want to thank all of the wonderful support I have recieved from my readers. I have been blessed to get so much support and it is them who encouraged me to write this particular post to clear the air. :) So to them, and to all my readers, I say Shukran!

Scandalous Palestinian Girls

2011-06-16T02:48:00.001-07:00

So, if you want to be a scandalous girl in the West Bank, there are two avenues:

A- The scandalous girls who enjoy "freedom" in Ramallah.

B - The scandalous girls of "oppressed" cities like Nablus

A. Ramallah

(Can be divided into two groups. The "Bubble" and the whole of Ramallah/Al-Bireh.)

1. The Bubble: I've already touched on the so-called bubble that presides here. A place where people dripping in money enjoy the liberal atmosphere where alcohol is plentiful, atheist books are displayed in bookstores, and wearing a hijab is very out of fashion. Even by taking out the foreign girls, pre-martial relationships within this circle is prevalent and "almost" normal. When I say normal, close friends and family knew about it and it was 'ok'.

How physical are these relationships? I don't know, but, I think its a fair assessment to say having sex before marriage is not so taboo here. I was talking to a local girl who though didn't outright say she was sexually active, but encouraged the idea of maintaining sexual relations.

And if you go out to the Ramallah night scene, prepare to see some serious public displays of affection. I went to a DJ party in a placed called Snowbar and my jaws almost dropped when I saw a couple (in their 30's) making out right in the middle of the dance floor.

I think it's important to note that Ramallah is a traditionally Christian city and it goes without saying that by default, it would have a more liberal atmosphere. Then of course Ramallh accommodates the large international presence here and so there's been only a proliferation of that Western influence and thus - the bubble gets bigger.

2. The whole of Ramallah/Al-Bireh: Because of the economic opportunities available in Ramallah, many (mostly Muslim) families moved here from other parts of the West Bank. These people are not part of that 'bubble' but rather make up the larger Ramallah vicinity. Also Ramallah's twin city, Al-Bireh (larger), is a Muslim enclave and though they too are dripping with money, they are much more reserved than their Ramallah counterparts. But because the cities practically overlap, the scandalous(ism) naturally spills over to Al-Bireh - enough to where Al-Bireh girls know what goes on in Ramallah and can try live that life but are aware that if they aren't careful, their reputations back in Al-Bireh are easily at risk.

B. Nablus

Now Nablus, at first glance, appears to be a very conservative Palestinian City. But in reality, it's probably still more 'open' than Jenin, Jericho, Hebron and Tulkarem. It's probably the most 'balanced' city of the West Bank - with Ramallah on the extreme left and Hebron on the extreme right.

But none of that boyfriend/girlfriend stuff is acceptable here. You really shouldn't even have male friends, if you are a girl. The one place that young men and women do find an opportunity to mingle is in the University. If you visit the campus, you will see guys and girls sitting together. When you go the classrooms, you will see them flirting. And sometimes, you might even see couples holding hands around campus. Remember, though, 90% of these girls are wearing hijab. And almost half of those are wearing jilbab. So it is very likely that you will see a girl in jilbab flirting with a male classmate.

A lot of these girls actually come from nearby villages and more conservative cities like Tulkarem or Jenin. They come from very religious/conservative backgrounds and families - and the campus life is the outlet to freedom. Though not all, but it is well known that many of these girls (whether they commute to uni everyday or live in a dorm) shed some of their clothing while they are in Nablus. Shed clothing as in, they will take off their jilbabs and walk around campus in - pants!

And as soon as the students leave campus, the males and females split ways and continue their flirtations through text messages.

I've gotten close to a lot of the university students, both males and females. And it took more than two months to finally hear the juicy stories.

Not all stories should be believed, of course. But there are patterns that make sense.

After 5p.m., the university is almost completely deserted. This is usually the time where naughty students will find empty classrooms to fool around. Some will tell you that there was only kissing involved (with the hijab on) and others will tell you it was the whole nine yards. Some will tell you that there were cameras and that's how some got caught, others will say some students accidentally walked in on them. I even heard one instance where a security guard walked in on a couple who were completely "doing it" and he blackmailed the girl by turning her into his sex slave with threats that if she resisted or told anyone, he will turn her in to her parents and the university.

It's appalling but highly plausible. And the best part is, every girl who narrated these stories to me (there were several), told these stories as if she would never "do something like that."

So the other day, one of the same girls called me and said she wanted to visit me in Ramallah. I went to meet her at a restaurant for a late lunch and found that she had come with a guy. After we ate, the guy had left and she had asked if she could spend the night. I was delighted.

As we walked home, she was explaining to me how this guy really liked her but she only saw him as a friend. Then she showed me the 300dinars he gave her to help her pay for school. When we finally got home at around 7, she complained that she didn't want to stay 'indoors' since she was in Ramallah.

She wanted to go see the nightlife that she heard gets "crazy" and "wild". I told her it's a weeknight and I'm really not into those "kinds of places". I told her I could take her to a cafe that stays open till late. She figured it was better than nothing since Nablus pretty much shuts down after 6p.m. She is a hijabi but asked me if she should take it off when going out. I just looked at her, a little surprised, and said it was up to her of course. She decided to keep it on and thanked me for being the "most understanding" of all her friends.

So though it was a work night, me and my roommate took her to a nearby cafe at around 11p.m. and ate with some arguleh. There was no dancing, there was no scandalous night scene my Nabulsi friend had hoped for. She was disappointed.

When we got home she asked to use my computer and told me about two guys she liked. She video-chatted both of them at night - without her hijab.

Two days later, she called me while I was having lunch with friends and asked me if she could come spend the night with me again - but this time she wanted to bring a guy. I refused (tried to hide my shock) and told her I was going to be in Jerusalem all day and wont be back till late anyway. But then she insisted that I could just leave her the keys under the doormat.

Woah. I didn't know how to respond to that so I just said it's not my house and I can't do that and hung up. I didn't want to sound judgmental since she already said I was "the most understanding friend" but that totally took me by surprise. I couldn't believe she was trying to seek refuge (with her lover) in my apartment in Ramallah...while I wasn't there!

Some analysis

The literal definition of 'scandalous' is "shameful" so I think the term 'scandalous' is more applicable for the Nabulsi girl because she comes from a society that actually views her actions as so. And obviously, not all Nabulsi girls uses their Ramallah friends to be 'bad'. But there is a lesson here. Ramallah is often dubbed by conservative Muslim observers in other parts of the West Bank as a "dangerous and corrupt" place that you woudn't want to raise your daughters in because it imports secular ideas that girls should be free to do what they like with no consideration of how her family or society feels about it. Critics, on the other hand, say that by trying to limit a girl's freedom, you are 'oppressing' her, leading her to lie and sneak around and it will only backfire because girls will do what they want anyway even with the added risks.

So what's the lesson here?

Should Nablus just turn into a Ramallah?

Gay Pride in Palestine

2011-06-13T01:26:00.000-07:00

There are gay Palestinians in Palestine, of course, but what I was referring to was the Gay Pride Parade 2011 in Tel Aviv that I accidentally went to.

My friend and I wanted to go to the beach on a late Friday afternoon and were wondering why there was so much traffic and detours. While we were jammed in

traffic, unsure of what was going on, a pedestrian told us that she was frustrated too because she was "already late" to the Gay Pride Parade, which was slowly concluding and relocating to one of the beaches for its after-party.

"Should we check it out?" my friend asked me.

"I mean, since we are already here. Why not."

My friend and I parked our rental car in one of the many small parking lots near Gordon Beach (where the party took place) and walked along the pier and followed the music.

There were thousands and thousands of people in their swim suits pouring into the sandy beaches surrounding a stage where Lady Gaga-like performers were dancing to thunderous techno music. To the side, a frail pale-skinned man in dark sunglasses was dancing in his knee-high golden boots - drawing his own crowd.

There were rainbows, the iconic gay-pride symbol, everywhere. Men, women, men who looked like women, women who looked like men and children - all embraced the rainbows on their clothes, hats, tattoos or carried the flags.

It was such a...gay experience. Unlike anything I have ever seen in my life. Tel Aviv really is a bubble of its own, with about 16% of its population gay or lesbian according to the deputy Mayor.

After 15 minutes of absorbing the gay jubilation, we continued down to the much calmer southern beaches bordering Yafa. I had a chitchat with an Israeli man who seemed uninterested to the gay festivities a few kilometers away.

"Did you go to the gay parade?" I asked.

"No. Do I look gay to you?" he seemed offended.

"Oh. Well a lot of people go. You don't have to be gay."

"No. I think this is sick. Man on man? This is sick."

"Oh."

"But this is a democratic country. You can do whatever you want here. You want to be gay? Be gay."

The music from Gordon Beach, though fainted, was still ringing in my head. And I began to garner mixed feelings about what it means to have democracy and freedom in this country. That just 30 minutes away was the West Bank - and instead of democracy and freedom- Palestinians behind the separation wall were subject to occupation and were vulnerable to the questionable human-rights record of the Israeli state.

After seeing how much fun these people were having on the beach, I pray that the freedom and exhilaration the gay community is experiencing in Tel Aviv will, one day, spill over to the caged Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza. Politically, of course.

Homosexuality in Palestinian society is still very repressed and I doubt it will change anytime soon. Can you imagine a gay pride parade in Palestine?

ps: Crazy news about the hoax gay Syrian girl blog. This blog is real though! :)

Chasing Pakistanis

2011-06-11T04:50:00.000-07:00

There are Pakistani Jews. About 2,000 of them. In Ramle.

It's random - but everything about Ramle is random.

Statistics paint a very colorful demographic picture of Ramle. About 20% of Ramle is Arab and 1/5 are Christians. And the Jews are a blend of Russians, Ethiopians, North Africans, and Indians.

They each have their own unique places of worship. In one neighborhood in Ramle, there was an Indian synagogue, a Moroccan Synagogue, an Ethiopian Synagogue and -- an Uzbekistan Synagogue.

But we were interested in the Pakistani Israelis. The Pakistani Jewish Israelis.

My friend, who is of Pakistani descent, stumbled on this information on Wikipedia, which said that they migrated from Pakistan in the 60's and 70's and formed a community in Ramle.

Because all my family is in Ramle, we both decided to venture out on finding the Pakistanis in Israel.

My family had mentioned that there were Indians in Ramle, but when I asked them about the Pakistani Jews- they were baffled. Actually, more like doubtful.

"They aren't Pakistani, they are Indian. Pakistanis are all Muslim!" they insisted.

We weren't going to let that stop us and we went to the Ramle souk and stopped every "Desi-looking" person.

"Excuse me...are you Pakistani?" in English at first.

"No. Indian."

"Do you know any Pakistanis here in Ramle?" my cousin, who tagged along, asked in Hebrew.

"No. There aren't any Pakistanis here. I don't know any, at least." (in Hebrew, then Hindi to my friend, and then in English - for me)

"So there are only Indians?"

"Yes. Too many." (in English)

A bit curious about our search, she led us to the one Indian restaurant/grocery store in Ramle. My friend felt nostalgic with the sight and smell of curry and Indian spices aligned on the dusty shelves. But even more,

she was happy to be able to speak Hindi.

She talked to the owner and the customers and still, while everyone was very helpful and accommodating, we had no leads about these so-called Pakistanis in Israel.

We didn't give up.

At the fruit and vegetables market, adjacent to the souk and right across the street from the Indian restaurant, a Marathi-speaking couple told us about a wise older Indian woman who owned a salon down the alley.

"She would know, " the blue-eyed Indian-Israeli (but not Jewish) assured us.

Throughout our search, bystanders would stand and listen to our conversations. A mantra of Hindi, English, Arabic and Hebrew.

"What are you guys trying to find?" a Palestinian pet shop owner asked me.

"We're trying to find Pakistanis"

"There aren't any."

We started to doubt ourselves too, but we kept at it and made our way through the over-crowded Ramle souk.

Passed the colorful umbrellas hovering over the banks of the seasonal fruits and vegetables, numbing out the brazen voices of Israeli Arab and Jewish vendors - we were finally embraced with the sounds of Indian music oozing out of the hidden salon just a few feet down.

Posters of Mehndi-painted hands coated the windows and a large photo of an Indian bride on the glass door confirmed we were in the right place. We opened the door, hoping this would be a turning point in our search.

"Shalom," my cousin said.

"Shalom," the owner replied.

There were 5 Indian girls in the very small and close-fitting salon. But only the owner, a woman in her late 50's, knew how to speak Hindi to my friend.

"She knows people from Karachi!!!" my friend said ecstatically. "She's going to arrange a meeting with them later this week!"

"So they exist!"

"Yes," she said as we left the salon. "I think the owner is Pakistani but didn't want to say it."

"What makes you say that?"

"She asked me so many questions. Why am I looking for them? What do I want to say? What is my purpose? And she knows many of them. I don't know. I just have a feeling."

It was possible that the Pakistani-Israelis hid their identities and claimed to be Indian instead because of the potential backlash in an already hierarchical and infamously prejudice Israeli society.

So while chasing the Pakistanis in Ramle didn't actually lead us to any Pakistanis in Ramle, along the way we discovered that Ramle has a vigorous mixed bag of people. And I'm not just talking about the Isralis. The Arabs in Ramle offer just as much diversity.

Which reminds me, our next chase will be the African-Palestinians - and boy are there a whole lot of those.

Mean Girls: Palestinian Version

2011-06-08T04:31:00.000-07:00

This is a very light-hearted, politically incorrect post not to be taken seriously. :)

The other day, two of my non-Palestinian friends living in Ramallah, Kim and Katie, sparked a jarring conversation with me about the so-called toxic Palestinian girl.

"Lena, can I ask you a question?" Katie asked.

"Sure."

"Why are Palestinian girls bi*****?"

"what..? how are they 'bi*****'?"

"They just are. Every Palestinian girl I meet has been such a bitch. They are rude. They ignore you and give you dirty looks."

"I don't know. Maybe it's just the girls you know."

"No, all my mates (who are foreign) agree. Palestinian girls are bi*****."

"Okay. I don't know. I don't think so."

"Even the girls I do like. The Palestinian ones. They only talked to me after they knew I was your friend. (she put examples)"

"I don't think you can generalize all Palestinian girls because of the few you meet in Ramallah. Remember, Ramallah is different from the rest of Palestine."

"NO LENA. It's NOT just Ramallah girls. I've met girls from Jerusalem, Bethlehem - it's the same"

"So you are telling me all Palestinian girls are bi*****?"

"Not all. Most. A big percentage. I only had one good experience and they were these 16-year old girls in Jerusalem who tried to help me pray at the mosque. But thats it. And you, but you don't really count."

Her friend, Kim, intervened.

"I eat alone at work because none of them want to talk to me. "

"Um..I just don't agree. My experience has been pretty pleasant with girls here." I protested.

"That's because you are Palestinian, like them. They hate foreign girls. And they are so nice to guys. Like I would be with my guy friends (Palestinian) and they would come up to us and say hi to all of the guys and are so nice to them but they totally ignore me. And I try so hard to be nice to them. They just aren't responsive to us at all. Just rude." (Kim and Katie)

"Yeah...but maybe it's just that crowd. I'm telling you, girls from Ramallah really don't represent Palestinian girls. Girls here are more privileged. They have more money and are probably just more snooty...it's not just in Palestine. That's a common trait for elite-status girls. Even in America or Pakistan."

"No. Every country I've ever been to, they treat foreigners with respect. They are so nice to them because they are curious. It's just here where they are so rude. I've never experienced anything like this." (Katie and Kim)

I got defensive. I am a Palestinian(ish) girl too. And honestly, my experience with other Palestinian girls/women in Palestine has been refreshingly delightful. Because if anything, Palestinian girls in Palestine were much, MUCH, friendlier than the Palestinian girls back in Dallas.

Palestinian (or maybe Arab in general) girls in Dallas there are notorious for being drama magnets. (obviously I'm not saying all of them are. 95% of my friends are Palestinian or Arab girls)

Sure, there are similar social cliques in Ramallah, but I am definitely not a part of it and rarely am I exposed to it because even I feel mistreated by that 'Ramallah Bubble' . I guess if you are a foreigner, though, you are limited to what circles you can join - unless you speak Arabic. With that, I sympathize.

But at the same time, they were adamant they it was jealousy that fueled this animosity by Palestinian girls towards them. In other words, the 'large percentage' of Palestinian girls were "bitchy" to them because they were jealous.

"Jealousy of what? Exactly?" I asked.

"I don't know. Taking their men?"

When I told my two of my Palestinian friends, Subhieh and Haneen about the conversation I had with my foreign friends, they got pretty upset. Haneen, especially.

"That really pisses me off, everyone knows that foreigners get treated way better than locals."

"So do you think it's jealousy?"

"Jealousy? No. Wow. That is what they think? Is that why they come to Palestine? So they can go out to those posh cafes and date and mess around and get drunk and then expect everyone to treat them like they are something special? And to top it off, now they want to call us bitches?"

--FYI: There are local Palestinian girls who drink, date and go to posh cafes---

Subhiah tried to soften the blow. "Look, we suffer a lot. Women especially suffer a lot. Girls from the villages, girls who go to college and graduate and not finding jobs. We are all suffering. And when you see that you worked so hard in school and you go to Ramallah to find a job, you see that foreigners are taking all the jobs because they speak good English. Wouldn't that piss anyone off?"

I relayed this conversation back to my two foreign friends, who rejected these 'excuses' and reiterated that if that is the case, why is it that Palestinian women who do hold jobs, who come from elite classes rude to them? But most importantly, why aren't MEN this hostile towards them? It is jealousy - they insisted.

"How can you make generalizations based on limited experiences?"

"I've been here for four months" one of them shot back.

"Oh, so living in ONE city in Palestine for four months is enough to make generalizations?"

"Well, how many months do I need?"

I wasn't aware of a formula that calculates what can validate a stereotype. This goes for both sides of the argument. And in any case, an argument mounted on generalizations leads to a lose/lose unproductive debate. This is not intended to be offensive, just take it as raw honesty not bounded by political correctedness. But I thought it would be interesting to share these controversial and politically incorrect perspectives with any Palestinian girl (or anyone) who may want to weigh in...

Are Palestinian girls mean?

A Conversation in Jerusalem

2011-06-06T22:48:00.001-07:00

I was visiting a friend who is also Palestinian-American and lived with her family in East Jerusalem in an area called Al-Sawaneh.

To get to Al-Sawaneh we drove through Shaikh Jarrah, the highly-contested parts of East Jerusalem where Orthodox Jews reclaimed* Palestinian homes right smack in the middle of Arab neighborhoods. The Israeli state compliments these claimed houses with security outposts and a round-the-clock security guard and of course, most importantly, a gigantic Israeli flag.

"Are Palestinians allowed to put Palestinian flags?" I asked.

"No way"

"What happens if they do?"

"Get arrested, probably."

* * *

As we drove up to a gas station and parked the car, waves of Orthodox Jewish men dressed in their black robes and long side locks were trolling through this Arab neighborhood completely oblivious or unbothered by the sea of dissented eyes around them.

"Look, they are walking around totally normally. It's amazing," my friend said.

"Yeah...that's, interesting."

"And they say that Arabs attack them. Nobody touches them."

***

Later that same night, my friend wanted to drop me off at the Damascus Gate near the Old City when we drove by an Israeli bus.

"Are those the buses you take when you go to Ramla?" my friend asked.

"Yup"

"Wow. Aren't you scared to take them?"

"What do you mean...because of the Israelis?"

"No..because those are the buses that get bombed, right?"

"OH. by Palestinians? Yeah. That. Um, yeah those are the same ones."

"That is scary. Don't you get scared?"

"Not really"

"Wow. I would be scared."

"Well. Are you saying you understand Israeli anxiety? Not knowing when the next bus will have a suicide bomber?"

"Yeah of course they have this anxiety. But thieves can never never feel safe."

This is obviously the perspective of a Palestinian living in Jerusalem. But I think this conversation conveys how Jerusalem is the heart of the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.

*Jewish Groups have sought to "regain" property in Shaikh Jarrah that they claim were once owned by Jews - and in the process Palestinian families were evicted with Israeli judicial backing. The authenticity of the documents presented by the Jewish owners to Israeli courts are disputed. Human Rights Groups and the US State Department have condemned the evictions.

Ramle to Ramallah - Karma is a biatch

2011-06-05T00:54:00.000-07:00

There are two main objectives to this blog. The first is to offer a perspective of a Palestinian-American visiting/living in Palestine and Israel. The second is to dramatize my bumpy experiences in these lands.

This post will be meeting the second objective.

The story can be divided into three parts

Part I.

Location: Ramle
Destination: Jerusalem
Day of Week: Saturday
Time: 8:30p.m.

So here, we already have a problem. I'm attempting to travel on a Saturday - during Sabbath or Shabat. The day Israel is on its weekly holiday between Friday and Saturday evenings. The "day of rest" for Jews. And the more observant you are, the less you function in society. The more religious the city is, the less society functions.

Ramle is somewhere in between so I wasn't sure when buses resume. I was dropped off at the bus station at 7:30p.m. only to find out that the first bus from Ramle to Jerusalem doesn't run until 8:40 p.m. I was excited for the wait.

(This is the land of waiting. Whether its for a bus, at a checkpoint or establishing a Palestinian state - all we do is wait here)

The bus station was relatively small and is connected to the Kenyon or mall. Most of the stores were closed, so I sat on a brown bench facing the bus terminal. The waiting area was sparse and most people were standing outside.

I stayed inside and sat next to a large older woman and an Ethiopian. I had a few bags and a large box of bourekas (puff pastry pockets filled with cheese) that could last me a month. I put my stuff down and held the box over my lap.

The woman looked at me, her glasses slid a bit with her eyes on my bourekas. I would have offered but I really like my bourekas.

After waiting for about 20 minutes, a shaggy old man with hoarse tan skin and a gray beard and skid marks properly coating his pants was looking at me intensely from outside. I only noticed because out of the 20 or so people waiting outside actually facing the terminal, this man (Mr. Raggidy) was standing facing the opposite direction, staring through the glass and straight at me.

After a minute or two- he knocked on the glass door (you can't open it from the outside) until someone opened it for him and he walked towards me.

Please don't come up to me. Please don't come up to me.

He came up to me.

And the lady next to me got up and walked away.

With a husky voice and a toothless grin, he stood a few inches away from me and started to talk in Hebrew.

The dialogue went like this:

"I don't know what you are saying" [me, in English]

"Hebrew. Hebrew"

"Ok. Sorry. Can't understand."

"Hebrew Hebrew. And Hebrew"

He kept picking at his pockets, and pulling change and pointing at it.

"Ok. (he wants money) No money. " I did the universal 'no money' sign.

"Hebrew. Hebrew"

(repeat)

There were 3 other people sitting in the scattered brown benches, and they all watched this old Jewish man in raggidy clothes stubbornly talk in Hebrew to a non-Hebrew speaking Hijabi.

WHY ISN'T ANYONE helping??

I kept looking at everyone around me for help. Nobody bothered to intervene. They all kept watching like this was some kind of confusing T.V. show. The Ethiopian who I shared the bench with, finally smiled at me.

That wasn't the reaction I was fishing for.

The Ethiopian asked me if I spoke Arabic. I nodded but said, 'English better'. Then he asked Mr. Raggidy what he wanted.

"He wants to ask for money," the Ethiopian explained in really broken English.

(Why is he asking what he wants. He knows. He - along with everyone else - was listening the whole time.)

"Okay tell him I don't have. Can you tell him to ask someone else."

"But he wants it from you."

"Okay. There are so many other people here who SPEAK his language. Why me? Why does he want it from me?"

He laughed. The Ethiopian that is. "I don't know."

"Can you ask him?"

So he asks him. But then the bus finally came and I didn't care that much to stick around to find out so I picked up my bags and bourekas box and went outside to catch the bus.

Part II.
Location: West Jerusalem
Destination: East Jerusalem
Day of Week: Saturday
Time: 10:30p.m.

I didn't think about this until now, but the last bus to Ramallah from Damascus Gate in East Jerusalem is at 8:30p.m. And I still needed to take a bus from the Central Jerusalem Bus Station to East Jerusalem. But because the bus driver doesn't speak English and I'm directionally-challenged, I was dropped off somewhere way too far from where I'm supposed to be. I was walking with my bags and bourekas along the vicinity of the Old City... very-obviously-lost.

I passed the same parked car three times and it was during the third time ( I didn't know anyone was in there) a lady poked her head out.

"You look lost," she said in Arabic.

"I am. I need to go to Damascus Gate"

"It's not anywhere near here."

"Oh. Which way?"

"It's a far walk.....but...we are going that way. We can take you. If you want."

"Thanks!" and I hopped in. I wasn't going to be Arab and insist I didn't want to bother her. I needed help.

"Where are you trying to go in the middle of the night?"

"I need to go to Ramallah"

"There aren't any more buses to Ramallah"

"Yeah. What should I do?"

"Taxis will cost you 150NIS at least..."

I stayed quiet. All I had on me was 55NIS. What was I going to do?

She parked her car near Damascus Gate where all the Arab taxi drivers, or what remained of them, were. It's late and the prices go up for people in desperate situations like me to come along. We went up to one taxi and asked him how much he would take to Ramallah. He said 150NIS. What about Qalandiyah Checkpoint? 70NIS

"Please make it 50, look at her, she's meskeena (pitiful, but in a nice way)"

"No, it's late and this is our price"

"Please, we found her stranded and lost on the street"

He looked at me. The same way I looked at Mr. Raggidy from Ramle bus station.

"Ok, 60."

I thanked her for the dignity-squashing but helpful negotiation and reluctantly went inside the backseat of the taxi.

All I kept thinking about during the 20 minute drive to Qalandiyah was how I was going to pay this guy. I only have 55NIS and I needed to save 3NIS from Qalandiyah to Ramallah.

I know this was unethical, but I decided to just let him take me there and then pay him all I had. I had no other choice.

So the dreadful moment came. He stopped the car in front of Qalandiyah to drop me off.

"I'm going to give you all I have...." I said confidently.

"What!!! What do you mean 'all you have?' Didnt' we AGREE for 60?"

"Yes. But I don't know if I have 60"

"How much do you have?! Why did you trick me? Istaghfirullah (seeking God's forgiveness, on my behalf)

"What do you want me to do? Stay in the streets?!" ( I never thought I'd say those words, this was a really low-point. Was this what Mr. Raggidy was trying to tell me?)

"Istaghfirullah. I can't believe this."

"I have 52. It's close. Sorry," and I gave it to him as he continued the Istaghfirullah chorus and dashed out.

The checkpoint was still pretty busy even as it approached midnight. Now one more bus to go home....

Part III.
Location: Qalandiyah Checkpoint
Destination: Ramallah
Day of Week: Saturday
Time: 11:30p.m.

Nobody in Jerusalem seemed sure if there were any cars to Ramallah from Qalandiyah left, but I took my chances. All I had was the 3NIS and that should be enough to get me home and "off the streets".

If there were no cars, I thought maybe I could bribe someone with my bourekas.

After walking for about 5 minutes towards Ramallah, I stopped an empty taxi van that looked like it was done for the day.

"Can you take me to Ramallah?"

"Okay" (he looked really busted, but didn't say no)

I got on and was trying to pay him. He refused to take money from me.

"I'm going to drive until I find someone else that can take you. I want to go home."

"ok."

So he drove for a minute and stopped in front of another car that already had a passenger. He was literally "getting rid of me".

I hopped on the other taxi. This taxi driver, who was at least 100 years old, stayed silent until we were a minute away from the city when he decided to start a conversation.

"Are you married?"

"No"

"Engaged"

"No"

"Can I have your number"

"Why"

"I want a job at where you work."

"There aren't openings."

"But maybe there will be. And you can call me to let me know."

He stopped in front of the city center where I was about to get down.

"So your phone number?"

"THERE ARE NO OPENINGS!"

And I left without closing the door. It's amazing. He can't seem to understand and we speak the same language.

***

What a bizarre night. All this in 3 hours.

***

This begs the question: Was this karma for not giving Mr. Raggidy money in the Ramle bus station? Maybe. But most likely-this is what can happen to you if you dont check bus schedules ahead of time.

Going home with an IDF soldier

2011-05-30T03:31:00.000-07:00

Traveling between Ramallah (West Bank) and Ramle (Israel) is like traveling between two countries, without actually traveling between two countries.

***Ok. When you do this sort of traveling. You really just have to acknowledge the occupation. Israel does include the West Bank. ***

I have to take four types of transportation from the West Bank to Israel. (takes 3 hours total)

1. Ramallah to Qalandiyah Checkpoint

2. Qalandiyah Checkpoint to Arab East Jerusalem

3. Arab East Jerusalem to Jewish West Jerusalem

4. West Jerusalem to Ramle

What is interesting about taking public transportation from the WB to Israel, especially in the evening, is that you will most likely go home with an IDF soldier.

Starting with Qalandiyah Checkpoint, you see the Israeli soldiers while they are at work. Then you go to the bus station in West Jerusalem and see those same soldiers who just got off of work.

If you are someone who is used to seeing them as ruthless beings who's job is to humiliate you and order you around with a gun..who shouts at you like you are a disobedient dog because he knows there is nothing you can do about it.....it's a really strange experience to see them 'being normal'. To see one enjoying a cup of coffee and laughing with friends as he runs to try to catch the next bus.

And in the bus, he ends up sitting next to you. (I wanted to say "Don't sit next to me dude, I just got yelled at by someone like you in Qalandiyah.")

He sat down and adjusted his bags and placed his weapon in front of his seat, just close enough to me that when the bus made a sharp turn that big gun spilled over to my side. And at that point, I was so annoyed but all I managed to say was, "Um, your gun is on my leg."

He sighed, and apologized in Hebrew. As his iPod played some light rock music, he shut his eyes as he was probably relieved that he was off duty. Duty of enforcing the occupation on the Palestinian people. People like me.

I couldn't help but wonder over his loud music, just how many Palestinians did he scream at today? How many did he humiliate?

At one point, he noticed my staring and ignored it at first.

I kept staring.

He finally looked up and faced me, and smiled. I just turned my gaze and looked out the window.

"How does he see me?" I wondered.

Is it weird for them that they come back home to Israel and see Palestinians (Arab-Israelis) who live with them in Israel? The kind of Palestinians not subject to the occupation that he enforces on the other side of the green line.

When I finally made it to the Ramle bus station, me and my IDF soldier bus-buddy parted ways. He was probably going home to have dinner with his family. Does his family ask about his day at work? Do they talk about how many Palestinians they rejected entry or baggage they confiscated? I wish I could have talked to him and asked him. But I don't think I was psychologically prepared to understand the human in a soldier. I don't think most Palestinians are capable of doing that.

Everyone had gone home and I sat on a bench overlooking the main road, waiting for my aunt. Ramle was dead and I was convinced that I was the only person in Ramle that night when a police car drove up. There were three men. Two in the front seat and one in the back. They stopped in front of me and just stared at me.

I was waiting for them to speak to me in Hebrew but they didn't say anything. They just gave me this puzzled look and kept staring.

After 10 minutes of this awkward silence war, my aunt finally came.

When I got home, my aunt asked me what the police were telling me. I told her they didn't say a word. She said that they probably just wanted to make sure I was safe because apparently there is a rapist on the run in Ramle who attacked Palestinian girls a few nights ago.

"Oh, so they were protecting me.."

"Yeah of course, you were sitting all alone at midnight. They were worried."

"Oh. How nice..."

"It's their job to protect you. Is it that strange?"

Yeah, actually it is. My Arab-Israeli family really has no idea what life is like under the occupation. Clearly. The only type of Israeli law enforcers they are accustomed to are the ones who actually protect them. This is not the type of Israeli policing most Palestinians in the West Bank are familiar with. Or the type that I was familiar with...

Why can't Israeli soldiers on duty in the West Bank (or all places where occupation is enforced) treat the Palestinians under occupation the same way they treat the Arab-Israelis who are their neighbors, their colleagues and their friends? They are the same people...

But maybe not. When you are the occupier - who knows how you are trained. Who knows what kind of dehumanization process you go through. It's too bad, though, because that same process is going on with the Palestinians under occupation. It's a never-ending cycle of anger and hate brewing from both sides.

But it can change- slowly but surely. And it can start by one pleasant experience. Perhaps it can start with an Israeli soldier who decides to be kind to a Palestinian at a checkpoint. By kind meaning not yelling, not shouting and not humiliating. It's a very minimal request that could make a world of a difference in a place that sees little kindness.

I should suggest that to the next IDF soldier I go home with.

Israeli Falafel

2011-05-29T04:30:00.000-07:00

It's hard to be objective in Palestine or Israel...even when it comes to food. There have been several 'showdowns' with Israeli vs Palestinian (Arabic) food on the internet by a string of bloggers and commentators. It's hard to tell how serious they are, but I know Palestinians generally take it seriously and get irritated that there even exists "Israeli falafel" or "Israeli hummus". Some people apparently even 'mistaken' Falafel as an Israeli cuisine as this news story suggests.

While taste buds should not be politically affiliated, this is a place where two sides are trying to prove their existence to each other- so it's hard to detach anything from identity politics.

And a perfect example that illustrates this complicated obsession is a conversation I had at a falafel stand in the Israeli dominated-city of Ramle owned by an Israeli but ran by a Palestinian.

"Before I try this falafel, what do you think? Arab falafel or Israeli falafel?" I asked the Palestinian man behind the falafel stand- who was holding a pita bread after slicing it open.

"First of all, there is no such thing as Israeli falafel. Its Arab falafel that Israeli's also eat and made a business out of. But they claim it's Israeli," he replied as he dropped five hot fresh falafel balls inside the pita pocket. (5! that's generous!)

"Israel claims a lot of things. Like Jerusalem," his co-worker, also a Palestinian Arab, added, as he took a spoon and spread the crunchy falafel inside the warm pita bread.

They all laughed.

"Well, we should take this as a compliment. We - the Palestinians - are more advanced and skilled when it comes to the culinary arts," I said, trying to be diplomatic...in case the Jewish owner showed up by surprise.

"Of course we are." (they all agreed)

Granted, I haven't tried Israeli food. According to Wikipedia, though, Israel does not have an internationally recognized dish and much of their cuisine is a replica of national dishes from different parts of the world. Israel is, after all, a country founded by immigrants.

After I was handed my falafel sandwich, I put all kinds of pickles and some of the sauces they had laid out. (I'm a pickle freak so it was a rainbow sandwich)

But alas, I had my first Israeli falafel in my hand. It smelled and looked like the Palestinian falafel I had in the West Bank. But---does it taste like the Palestinian falafel I had in the West Bank?

I tried to stop myself from obsessing and took a big bite. "Don't think, just eat!"

As I chewed ..all the political baggage just had to make its way back into my head....... and I started to wonder to myself after all that talk that there is no such thing as an "Israeli Falafel" and if it would taste like a "Palestinian falafel"...is there even such thing as a"Palestinian falafel"? Why would we even have to call it anything but falafel? It's not like Israeli's make the falafel a special way to 'claim' it Israeli. They make it like the Arabs make it. (not like what Americans did to Chinese, or sushi) But what is the origin of falafel? Egyptians have always claimed the falafel but I think I read somewhere it was in fact from India. So maybe Palestinians and Israelis are both lying to themselves. Anyways, ahh FOCUS ON FOOD!

And with all the stress and identity debates...I quickly came to realize that this complicated and brain draining falafel sandwich was totally indistinguishable from the many, many falafels I've had in the West Bank and in America.

So yes, the falafel was good. After we left the falafel stand, I told my aunt that that would be the last time I eat falafel in Israel.

No, NOT because I want to make a political statement - but because this falafel cost 14 freaking shekels. That's 3 times more than in Ramallah, which is 4 shekels. (In Nablus, it's 3 and in Gaza I hear it's as little as 1.5!)

So here is advise for all tourists or visitors to Israel - don't get their falafel - It's a rip-off.

And I think we can all agree no matter what your political or ethnic affiliation, nobody likes to get jipped.

VISA Drama

2011-05-26T00:16:00.000-07:00

You know you have been in a place for a while when you already have rumors going around about you.

So for the record - I was not deported from Palestine!

Quite the contrary, actually.

Let's backtrack:

I guess I planted my own "rumor" seed with a previous depressing blog post where I talked about the unpleasant confrontation with Israeli border officials in the Shaikh Hussein Bridge between Jordan and "Israel" (I have to put "" to show I am not a Zionist) and how I was given only 1 week instead of the 3 months tourists are supposed to get. Yes, I was upset. I felt defeated and thought it was all over. I was ready to close the Palestinian chapter of my life.

But hope lingered - somehow - and I decided to try and stay in Palestine.

After hearing contradicting procedures for getting my VISA extended, it turned out that I had two VISA options:

1. Visiting Permit (a VISA that lets you travel around Israel and the West Bank)

2. West Bank only VISA (which is a stamp that says 'Palestinian Authority' and you can't go to "Israel" or Jerusalem)

Every tourist who wants to stay here for more than the default 3-months dreams of the Visiting Permit, which has a duration of up to a year.

I, too, dreamed of getting the Visiting Permit. But I was going to be OK with a WB only VISA too. And yes, most people (including my boss) thought that if I get anything, that is what I was going to get.

And against the "advises" and "warnings" that attempting to apply for an extension of the flimsy 1-week VISA would be a 'waste of time' and will further "disappoint" me, I went ahead and applied for a Visiting Permit and should I get rejected, I would try to negotiate with this supposed WB VISA.

The Visiting Permit can be applied two ways. #1-Through an immediate family member who is an Israeli citizen or #2-A job contract with a company or organization

I went with option #2 since my family in "Israel" are distant (second cousins) and I luckily found a job in Ramallah.

So the three-step process is as follows:

Step 1 - Go to the second floor of the Civil Affairs Office in Ramallah and submit a copy of your job contract (make sure the date is included) and a COPY of your passport photo. This office handles getting approval by Israel on all immigration issues. So what they will do is send your job contract/passport information to the Israelis JUST to see if you would get approved for a VISA. This process (I was told) generally takes a few days. For me, it took almost a month.

Remember there were a series of political fallouts between the Palestinian Authority and "Israel" during this period like the unity-agreement between Fatah and Hamas, the withholding of Palestinian tax revenues by Israel, and the Nakba-inspired border confrontation -- all adding to my already "unfavorable odds".

After pestering the Civil Affairs Office almost daily --I finally got word that Israel ...APPROVED for a VISITING PERMIT!!!

!!!-JOY to the WORLD-!!!

At this point, I didn't announce it because I was equating the VISA to a "too good to be true" potential husband. (all you Arab girls know what I'm talking about!) You don't want to jinx a very good thing right?

Step 2 - Give it a couple of days until the approval confirmation is sent to the Ministry of Interior in Ramallah where you will go to fill out some paperwork (have a passport photo, they need 2 copies) and about 450NIS for a series of special stamps. Then you give him your passport where he has to send it to a place called Bayt El. [fyi: the fees of these stamps/application depends on the type of VISA you get, if it's single-entry vs. multi-entry -- I got single-entry]

----At this point, you don't know the duration of your VISA----

Step 3: Three or four business days later, your Passport with the VISA should be ready for pick-up at the Ministry of Interior and finally, FINALLY, you will see the VISA-blessed passport in your hands.

Oh, and I got 6 months when I was told I would be "lucky" to get 3.

*in YOUR face dance*

I can tell you that in the month that I was here "illegally" (for overstaying my VISA while waiting to hear back for approval), so many people told me that I was most likely "not going to get it". Maybe that's why there were rumors that I was deported. (But I was pretty pessimistic also, so I share the blame).

So the MORALE of the story is that no matter how unfavorable your odds seem to be, you really just have to try. You have to - as my best friend's mother said - "create your own luck".

And I would very much like to add this one unlikely yet successful story to the pool of unsuccessful ones flooding the internet and give someone who is going through what I went through the push to keep trying. Because maybe - just maybe - good things DO happen to people who wait.

And because verily, with hardship comes ease.

:) ps: I would like to congratulate my hometown team, the Dallas MAVS, for making it to the NBA Finals!!

Palestinian misconceptions of Palestine

2011-05-23T01:51:00.000-07:00

This blog post is a response to the following comment:

"There are no opportunities in Palestine. Even if all the "smart and educated" go back, there are no resources, no money. And that's what its about. For now, the best thing we can do is be successful in the states, donate as much as we can and try to influence society and the media by being as active as we can. WE can do more here than there." (Yasmin, 24, USA - and many, many Palestinian-Americans)

When I first decided to travel to Palestine, most of my friends in Dallas applauded me for "my bravery" and cautioned me to "be careful". When I came here, friends back in Dallas asked me if I see Palestinians getting shot regularly. Do I see tanks rolling in and are soldiers knocking down doors?

It seems that when people think Palestine, they think of a war-zone.They visualize violence and chaos, hopeless refugees, starving babies and ragged children being chased by Israeli soldiers who are shooting at them on ravaged roads and destroyed houses.

The situation is so dire and so dangerous, in fact, that Palestinians living in America should steer away from ever visiting.

We can thank the media for this. All media. American Media. Arab Media. Al Jazeera...(#1 contributor)

Yes, there was war. But that was like for two months more than two years ago. And that was in Gaza. Most of Palestine is not like Gaza.

The parents too. (#2 contributor) Much of the blame should be shared by the parents of Palestinian-Americans who, instead of traveling to Palestine when they want to visit "back home", they take their children to Jordan or Syria or Lebanon or Egypt or .. or.. or anywhere but Palestine.

(And then they wonder, and then the Palestinians all over the world wonder, how can Israeli's even suggest that Palestinians should just relocate to Jordan.)

"I wish I can go visit but my parents wont let me because it's too dangerous," is something I often hear when I would suggest to them that they should come visit the Palestine they love so much.

When parents skip out on taking their kids to Palestine, they instill a false sense of the supposed homeland they teach their children to cherish and create a gap between reality and imagination. The kind of imagination that leads to Palestine being nothing more than, as my friend had pointed out, a place with "no resources no money". A place that is "too dangerous" for Palestinians to go to.

One might argue..is it so bad that the parents don't want to put their children's lives in danger?

Well, maybe if the parents themselves bothered to visit their "country" then they would know that that excuse is far-from-reality.

And one final contributor (#3) to this exaggerated misery of Palestine is the overwhelming focus of Palestinian organizations and charity groups in the U.S. on humanitarian needs.

Growing up, I remember going to annual fundraising dinners for the one of the plethora of Palestinian charity organizations where we were constantly bombarded with videos depicting the rampant Palestinian humanitarian crisis. You know, the starving children, the widowed women, the sweaty males getting beaten and thrown in jail. The very ugly "reality" of Palestine. One that required that we 1. never actually go there and 2. pour money so they don't die and 3. pray that God will alleviate their suffering.

Some of that may have been true ten years ago, during the height of the Palestinian uprising -or Intifada.

Since then, though, there has been...what's the word..normalcy? There is life. Today, there are many successful businesses all over Palestine and people who are shopping for luxury items and driving BMW's (especially in Ramallah). There are people staying at 5-star hotels (Ramallah) and dining in at 5-star restaurants (Nablus). Yes, there are people here richer than you and I in America. There are even - gasp - rich Palestinians living in refugee camps. (no, that is not an oxymoron) But you probably wouldn't know that if the closest you've been to Palestine is watching Al-Jazeera and going to fundraisers to feed starving Palestinian children.

You wouldn't know that Palestinians for the most part are living like they do anywhere on the planet. Palestinian society is quiet diverse and in many ways mirrors those of its neighbors in Jordan, Egypt and Lebanon. It includes an elite, middle, working and below-the-poverty-line classes. And you don't hear Egyptian or Lebanese parents discouraging their children to visit their respective countries. So why should Palestinians?

Because of the occupation? Yes, there is unique suffering in Palestine and occasional skirmishes near the Israeli settlements and the Gazan border, but nowhere near the levels that the media, the parents, and the charity organizations would have you believe.

So what Palestine may need is people who say they care about Palestine to come and see it for themselves and only by then will they see that rather than sending money to buy bread and blankets, it may be more relevant to help Palestine draw foreign investments to expand industries and diversify business opportunities that facilitate job growth and capacity building, training, information exchange, etc.

This is what international development calls 'self-help' . The world - including Palestinian-Americans - needs to shift its focus towards this.

I'm not saying stop sending money. Everyone does what they can to contribute. I am merely pointing out that it is pivotal to understand that the Palestinian Story is a complex one that may require encouraging Palestinians to go see it for themselves and not assume based on what the three contributors (mentioned above) suggest.

...because if Palestinians themselves have misconceptions of Palestine, how can they accurately "try to influence society and the media" as Yasmin had pointed out...?

To love Palestine

2011-05-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

Who needs an alarm when you can have a choir of pigeons and roosters, a donkey's faint laughter and a cacophony of birds waking you up every morning?

I spent the weekend in a Palestinian village called Al-Teereh located about 20 minutes west of Ramallah and inhabited by 1,300 Palestinians. Like most villages surrounding Ramallah, these residential pockets consist of little more than some one hundred modest white stone houses unevenly aligned on crooked roads paved by asphalt or dirt, a mosque or two, a school and a main supermarket.

Some villages have large farms and are surrounded by sheets of green while others have nothing agricultural to offer but some animals...like the chickens and donkeys that woke me up this morning.

There is little a person can do in these kinds of villages other than sit at home and watch satellite T.V. You can choose to walk around and explore the village, where you will probably just discover more of the same thing.

Most people who say they are from Ramallah are probably from one of the villages around Ramallah. As I mentioned in my previous post, Ramallah is generally too expensive for most Palestinians.

But never underestimate the wealth that lays in some of these Ramallah villages. There are some very rich Palestinians who come from these middle of nowhere places.

You can rank a village's prosperity by the number of gigantic villas it has. These villas usually represent the successful realization of a Palestinian living the American dream...back in America.

Some villages are almost entirely built on American money.

The explanation is simple. One villager somehow lands in America. He brings his family, who bring more family until eventually a chunk of that village find themselves in an American city.

These Palestinian-Americans don't forget their original homes and many save up to build a huge house back in their villages. Some open businesses and others just send money to their relatives - kind of like a pension check.

Each village has a unique American tale and many have a 'twin' American city. For example, you can find hundreds of families from the village of Deir Debwan scattered in Los Angeles and San Fransisco.

Chicago is home to about a third of the entire Al-Tireh and Batounyah village population. Florida and Minnesota have a large community of people from Al-Bireh.

And all the Arabs in Dallas know that we are home to a whole lot of Silwadis and Ramoonis (people from the villages of Silwad and Ramoon).

The villages that are lucky to sit on American money get busy during the summer time, where families "come back" to their summer homes and visit their relatives.

Depending on the patriotism of a Palestinian family who has the option of living either in the U.S or Palestine - you find variations in how families experimented in the upbringing of their children.

For example, a father in the U.S. might send money to his wife and children who live their entire lives in Palestine.

Another example is a father who brings his wife to America where they raise their family up until the children reach a certain age (15, for instance) and the parents decide they want to their children to be raised in Palestine for high school. If the father felt that he has saved enough money, he might decide to move with his entire family back to Palestine and have employees run his business in America.

The result? Confused breeds of Palestinian-Americans who moved back and forth between Palestine and the U.S at some point(s) in their lives.

My friend, Sophia, is a perfect example. She was born in Chicago and her family moved her to Palestine at age 10. She has stayed in Palestine ever since. Her brother went back to America for college and she has a sister who moved there after she got married. The father travels back and forth to America to check up on his business. They are all American and Palestinian, but each identify with Palestine and the US differently. Some wish they lived in America longer, others don't care to ever return to America. Sophia identifies with the latter.

Over seasoned pumpkin seeds and cold glasses of coke, we were sitting in the living room and her father explained to me the complex family strategy this way:

"To love Palestine is to come and live in Palestine."

"That makes sense"

"No, it is true. These Palestinians who live in America pretend they care about Palestine. They talk politics and say they are supportive of us...we hate those people. To them I say, 'We don't want your long-distance support. You care about Palestine? Come back and inhabit it.' This is what we need. We need Palestinians to show that they value their country. You do this by coming here. Not by holding a poster and walking around screaming anti-Zionist declarations."

"Yes."

"That is why I brought my family here. I will not forget my country and I will not let my children and family forget it. This is true patriotism. You have to at least give your children the option. Let them see Palestine. And they can choose."

"You are right."

"You can't love something you don't know. You can't love Palestine if you don't know what it is like to be Palestinian. And as you probably recently discovered, you can't know what it is like to be Palestinian unless you live in Palestine."

In light of the historical talks between Netenyahu and Obama regarding the stalemate peace process between Palestinians and Israelis - it is interesting to see how unmoved my friend's father was with all of it. None of it mattered. "Politics is useless," he said.

All he cared about was living in Palestine and encouraging others to live in it... and if you think about it...to Israel... that is probably the most lethal political action a Palestinian can make.

A Conversation in Ramallah

2011-05-18T11:03:00.000-07:00

"All the Arab people are sick"

"Do they think you are Arab?"

"Yes, and they are so - oh my god - they are sick. All Arab men. I can't deal with it. I just want to fight"

"I was telling Lena, more girls should fight back. Even when I walk with my boyfriend. They do it. I'm wearing normal tops and trousers (pants). I'm totally covered and they still do it."

"I know. They have never seen a girl's arm before."

"Or they have never seen a girl before"

"That's why I wear whatever now. I don't care. I am going to wear anything."

"Yeah, me too. I wear anything. And if you walk about at night. I used to walk all the time. They would look at you. Like they are hungry."

"Yes. They are SICK! I feel like an animal"

"I feel like a bit of meat."

"And the police think I'm a prostitute because I walk late at night."

"Yeah I know. Me too"

Background:

I was meeting two friends, a Scottish writer and a French teacher who live near the city center in Ramallah. The two would meet for the first time and this was their very first conversation in Ramallah.

I know this is very bad PR. Sorry Ramallah. But there are some problems in Palestine you just can't blame on the occupation.

Living in a bubble

2011-05-14T06:08:00.000-07:00

Remember the M. Night Shyamalan movie, The Village?

..about a small isolated countryside community where the elders instill a (false) sense of fear in the youth to deter them from ever leaving the village...mainly to retain their conservative values and traditions. In other words, this community created a bubble for the village inhabitants.

Well, Palestine has several of these 'bubbles'. We can boil them down to three. The first is the ultra-conservative bubble, mainly in cities like Hebron/Gaza and their surrounding villages. Then you have the intermediate/centrists who characterize the majority of Palestinians like those living in Nablus, Jericho, Jenin and Bethlehem. And then you have the wealthy and secularist hub called Ramallah.

I would like to focus on the exceptional-ism that nests in Ramallah.

Ramallah Ramallah.

What do you think- when you think of Ramallah?

Disclaimer: I come from a pretty tight-knit Arab-American and Islamic community back in Dallas.

Disclaimer 2: The Palestinians I know back in the states who do come to Ramallah for summer vacation usually confine themselves in their family's villages located near Ramallah. But for someone like me, who doesn't have any family in the West Bank, my experience of Ramallah is quite different. I come as a Palestinian-American looking to explore the city and meet new people. The kinds of friends I would 'ideally' make are other Palestinian-Americans, Palestinians who speak good English, or foreigners. These are the people I am more likely to find commonalities with - they are 'like me'. So in order for me to hang out with these people, I must enter the 'Ramallah Bubble'.

What is the Ramallah bubble?

Let me illustrate:

I was invited for a Sushi Party at a friend's place in Ramallah. (ok that should be a hint, Sushi party?) There were 8 people. Let's take a closer look at the kinds of people that came.

Out of the eight, 2 were local Palestinians, 1 was German, 1 from England, 1 half Palestinian-American, 1 Scottish-Pakistani, 1 French and then me. (half of us were Muslim)

After we made the sushi - which turned out amazing - we set the table and I noticed that the only beverages they had were beer and wine.

"Um, do you have any non-alcoholic drinks?" I asked, surprised.

"Oh..no..sorry it's all we have."

A bit irritated, considering that I come from the USA and I have never been to a gathering that doesn't at least offer a 'variety' of drink options, I went down to the supermarket and got a bottle of coke.

I came back to the apartment and asked, "Does anyone want coke or water?"

All said no.

As we were eating, we dived from one topic to another. Since it is the first time I am sitting with Europeans and Brits, I end up learning so much about them.

(The irony is that I feel like I learned much more about Europeans in Palestine than I have in the states.)

And then they find out I'm from Texas and make fun of the 'Y'all', which I didn't realize I used that much until people here pointed it out.

Apparently, I'm the first Texan they've ever met. Do Texans never leave Texas? Even more troubling -- Do Palestinians from Texas never leave Texas?

I also learned a lot about the European pork obsession. The British on the table spurred a conversation, an entire 20 minutes, about how he misses blood sausages, pork, ribs, bacon....The entire table, including the Muslims, chimed in on the lamentation.

But what especially sucks, apparently, is that during Ramadan restaurant's prohibit customers from drinking beer on the patio.

"That's terrible! Why not? It's not like it makes a difference if we drink inside the restaurant or out!" (everyone nods and laughs)

I was a little unmoved by this. I mean, yeah, it's cool they have the right to complain about not being able to live the lifestyle they are used to here. But at the same time, I mean, you come to a Muslim country and get upset that you can't drink beer in public during Ramadan?

Someone then added that he knew a Muslim who used to break his fast with a whiskey. The table shook with laughter.

I didn't find it funny.

Then the conversation gradually streamed into blasphemous observations about God and religion.

I got a little uncomfortable.

But I got used to it. This has become so typical of many conversations at "Ramallah Bubble" gatherings. Whether it's foreigners and expats or locals who are super secular - I've come to realize that I am 'not like them'. I am a minority among these people.

So on many things, I've come to relate more with the actual local population more, or everyone outside of the "Ramallah Bubble". The ones who don't make a lot of money and can't afford one of the high-end cafes. The ones who don't speak really good English.

Yeah, there are some things that I can't really understand like the never-ending conspiracy theories, overwhelming gossip, and a black and white view of the world...but overall I am much more comfortable with them. I don't have to worry about feeling left out. Instead, they always insist I'm 'one of them'.

But at the end of the day, they don't enjoy sushi or iced coffee - necessities in Lena Dirbashi's life. At the end of the day, I don't find Celine Dion music to be 'cool'...and hanging out with girls who have more restrictions than I did back in Dallas can be a bit irritating. And I don't think its '3aib' (inappropriate) that I put pictures on Facebook.

And you can almost never mix the two kinds of people together. This is because they don't hang out in the same places. The class system is drawn with a thick pencil.

So where do girls -- like me -- fall?

I am American---- but I don't drink and I get uncomfortable with people making comments like God "gets jealous'' and 'has a bad sense of humor'. I also severely dislike being near alcohol.

I am Palestinian - but I can't stand the Turkish soap operas. I like privacy and I am tired of Turkish coffee, tea and nescafe - the only hot delicacy options.

The solution is to do a little bit of both, which works out perfectly for me because I can't afford the lifestyle of the Ramallah Bubble.

This might sound surprising, but a lot of things here are more expensive than Dallas!

A cup of hot chocolate from one of the higher-end cafes ranges between 15-20NIS = $5. Thats more than Starbucks!

A plate of tabouleh salad is between 20-25NIS (That's more than Arabic restaurants in Dallas! )

A fettuccine Alfredo dish, only one place makes it good here, is 40NIS = $12 (that's Olive Garden dinner prices!)

Even groceries are expensive here (yes I started to cook).

A small bag of rice? 9NIS ($3)

A whole chicken? 22NIS. ($6)

Apartments here are expensive too. An average 2-3bedroom apartment in a suburb near Ramallah averages about $850-900 dollars.

And thanks to the inflation and the dwindling U.S dollar, everyone is jacking up their rates.

I'm really concerned with how the "average Mohamad" Palestinian in Ramallah makes it here. How are they making it with these prices?

It's hard to know exactly what the average salary in Ramallah is, but from what I've heard a family --this might be the closest to the Palestinian 'middle class' -- makes somewhere between 2,500-3,000 NIS/month. That's like $700-900 dollars a month.

It's extremely difficult to have savings when 3/4 of your money goes to rent and putting food on the table. Most people live paycheck by paycheck and resort to borrowing money from family.

It's heartbreaking, but definitely not unique to Palestine. There are similar stories like this across the third world.

And like in most third world countries, you have the wealthy pocket that don't really seem to be affected from what is supposed to be a national problem including the Israeli occupation, high unemployment and low quality of life. Most third world countries have a Ramallah Bubble of their own. Some argue that it's good to have options. To have a place for such bubbles to flourish.

They may be right. But whatever you do, as a visitor, try not to get sucked into the Ramallah Bubble because it can be gravely misleading. The Ramallah Bubble has confused many foreigners who falsely come to the conclusion that most of Palestine is like Ramallah. One girl I met who came to learn about Palestinians and lived in Ramallah told me once of her observations, "All Palestinian men smoke weed and drink"

"Um..no they don't"

"Yes, they do. Every Palestinian I met drinks and most of them smoke weed, they love getting high"

Do you see what I mean?

So to visitors who come to Palestine solely because they are curious to learn about Palestine, have an open mind, explore ALL cities by actually talking to the people. Ideally, the best way to understand them is by living with them in their very humble villages and homes, and don't just 'take a tour' of a refugee camp but see if you can live in one for a few days. Then you will know what life is like for MOST Palestinians.

And then, at least, you can always come back to an exceptional place where you can escape Palestinian woes --- a place called Ramallah.

Akka and Haifa - better than Jamaica

2011-05-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

Ok that was a corny title

So this totally makes up for the crappy experience from my last blog post...

A road trip with four girlfriends, all single Palestinian American 20-something year olds to Akka and Haifa!

Sure I've been on road trips with my friends (twice), but this is not like driving down to Austin...

The Girls: Lena, Yasmine, Rifk and Duah. We are brand-new friends. I met Duah a few months ago in Jerusalem. I met Rifk two months ago in Ramallah. And I met Yasmine last week in Jordan. Yasmine just met Rifk and Duah during the roadtrip. Crazy huh?

We would never do this back in Dallas. Go on a road trip with girls you just met. But you play by different rules when you meet others 'like you' in a foreign country. You bond quicker and you become more willing to go with the flow..

Yasmine and I met up in Ramallah (where she has family) and where I rented a car from a company called Middle East for 250NIS ($74). I got a yellow-plate car (lets you go to Israel) for the day and all I needed was a credit card and a drivers license. We got a crappy white Chevrolet. A crappy empty white Chevrolet.

It felt really good to DRIVE after so long..even if the streets have no lanes and are intercepted by camouflaged thick speed bumps..not to mention the occasional traffic lights that you hope drivers take seriously.

The really nasty part, though, is driving through the Qalandiyah Checkpoint, whic

h is a cage building with rotating cameras and watch towers run by a bunch of teenage Israeli soldiers that treat Palestinians like deaf animals.

There are two entrances for Qalandiyah, one for pedestrians who walk through , get searched and scanned and catch buses on the other side and the 'drive through' if you have a car.

It would be the first time I get to use the 'drive through'...and the wait is probably worse if you are driving through. (no, don't think drive through like McDonald's Drive Through)

We waited at least an hour. And as you wait, you have to face the desperate kids selling toys or persevering middle-aged men who sell za'atar (herbs) who come knocking on

your car window. It's heart-breaking at first, but it gets really irritating.I'm not exagerating when I say that the za'atar guy came 11 times.

So when we finally get to the actual checkpoint, edging slowly towards the 'green line', the Israeli on duty asked for our passports, then told me (or more accurately, shouts with hatred) to get out of the car and to open the trunk. The soldier followed me and luckily, the rental car didn't have anything that would have gotten me in trouble.

After passing through Qalandiyah and leaving behind us the barrier wall, we were officially in what Israel legally considers Jerusalem.

Driving in East Jerusalem is an upgrade since it's officially 'in Israel'. The roads have lanes and traffic lights are strictly enforced. But plenty of duwars (roundabouts)

We put gas and oh-my-god gas is expensive here. It's 7shekels a liter (1 gallon = 3.8 liters) so that's like $8.50 a gallon...and I used to complain about $4/gallon back in Dallas...

We stopped at Shufaat to pick up Duah (from Mesquite, TX) and her mom pointed out that it might be a risk for me to drive. Duah said because I don't know the laws here it would be better if she drives and earlier Rifk made a comment because I have a bad car history.

Gosh, nobody has faith in me..I mean they present good points....but if I don't drive I'd get car sick and vomit. If you have followed my blogs, you know I'm serious when I say I have that tendency.

After we got Duah, we drove towards West Jerusalem (with the fancier duwars) near Hebrew University and a freakishly & perfectly alligned British military graveyard to pick up Rifk.

We grabbed breakfast at this bookstore on Salahudin Street in Jerusalem, salmon (raw) sandwiches that according to Yasmine 'tasted like a sushi sandwich'. After we put some more gas...we got on the highway towards Tel Aviv and OFF we went:

Destination: AKKA!

I would be lying if I said I know much about the history of Akka (or Acre or Akko). However, I did Wikipedia it the night before and gathered that Akka is very old, that there are remains from time of the Crusades, that there is a Bahai Temple because Akka is the holiest city for Bahai followers (their qiblah - praying position - points towards Akka) and they have really good seafood and cheese. Demographically, it is almost 3/4 Jewish with the predominant Arab-Palestinian population living in the Old City. I also heard that Akkawi's are good looking people.

Anyways, so driving on Israeli highways on a Friday is cool. The infrastructure is amazing. Just like Dallas, without the never-ending massive construction, detours and rampant

police cars.

Ok so it's better than Dallas.

Surprisingly, we didn't get lost and we made it to Akka in about two hours.

We parked our car in front of the shore and we stepped out to absorb the smell of the sea, to feed our eyes on the beautiful

clear blue water. It was amazing.

It was also surreal.

Just two hours earlier, we felt like prisoners in the West Bank. Two hours ago we were in Qalandiya, our cars sat facing the barrier wall where we had to pass through really mean soldiers...and here... we made it to the other side of our country..to the sea.

I felt a sting of guilt, knowing that more than 2 million Palestinians in the West Bank are trapped behind that barrier wall and could never come witness the amazing view of Akka.

There's something about the sea that's relaxing. Maybe the calm water, the way the water stretches without an ending.

I hope Palestine becomes like the sea. ...no walls...no checkpoints...just an open sea.

Freedom!

After taking pictures ( Yasmine puts me to shame with her gigantic professional camera so I kept my chunky canon with a flap that won't stay shut inside my bag) we drove inwards towards the Old City of Akka. We parked in front of one of the series of really old colorful residential buildings marked with peeling paint. Peeling yellow, peeling pink, peeling brown...

We walked around between remnants of the Crusader walls, took a million -posed - pictures with the famous sea-wall as the background..

After the one hour photo shoot...we bothered a fruit-juice stand for discounts and instead of getting annoyed by us - the owner gave us a quick tour of the Old City along the dark and wet stone walls, including the Jessar Pasha Mosque, the Khan el Umdaan and the Citadel. There was a prison museum tour that I would have liked to check out, but they were closed. darn.

After the 10-minute tour of the entire Old City,

which gave us this 'city out of time' feel, we were guided to a famous seafood restaurant along Akka's harbor called 'Sayadeen'.

I don't like seafood. Except sushi, if that counts. But I'm here, and I wanted the full experience of Akka so I ordered the fish (80NIS, $24) but it came with a butt-load of side items -- mostly a variety of salads and dips. The waiter saw that we weren't happy with the prices so he gave us a free drink..lol.

After lunch, we got on a boat and danced to Arabic music. IT was so fun!! The

boat responded pretty violently against the waves but because I can be wreckless and a show off, I got on the edge and pulled a Titanic move, along with some twisty bendy moves. Yasmine wasn't interested in capturing these moments-despite my requests.

When we got back on the harbor, it was

almost 5 p.m., we decided to head back to Jerusalem before it got dark. As we drove out of the Old City labyrinth, passed the souks and basketball courts (where we finally saw the good looking men of Akka) and many, many duwars not to mention a mini confrontation with a drunk Akkawi guy - we finally got back on the right road. We wanted to check out the Bahai Gardens but accidentally entered this private Jewish residential area that, according to the big entrance, was established in 1948.

Duah kept warning me that if I kept driving in, we would be trespassing and then we might get shot if they see us (since we were 2 hijabis). But I didn't listen. I kept driving in what seemed like a tunnel made out of huge moss trees, with houses on both sides, What was strange was there was no movement. No cars and no people . It felt haunting. OR maybe this was a religious neighborhood, strictly adhering to the Shabat (it was Friday late afternoon after all)

'Drive back lets get out of here!!' apparently Duah kept saying the whole time but I only bothered to listen the fourth time..

So I U-turned and we got out and got back on the road. When we did find the Bahai Garden - it was closed. darn.

Duah and Rifk were probably relieved. They seemed in a hurry to go back home.

Back on the road, as Rifk was consumed with the map and Duah/Yasmine arguing politics - we got lost.....and we stalled traffic several times asking random people on the road. Yasmine annoyed Duah when she poked her head out of the car window and asked the car beside us, 'CAN YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?' lol. So Duah took over ever because she speaks Hebrew.

And Rifk was super annoyed because we were not following the map. I was pretty chilled-out, you see, as I'm totally used to getting lost and driving forever.

We ended up in Haifa and since it was sunset we parked along the coastline and ran on the sandy beaches towards the water. IT was so beautiful.

So of course...photo shoot time.

I rolled up my jeans and went right into the water. Yasmine was picking up seashells and I am not sure what Duah/Rifk were doing.
As we carried our sandy shoes back to the car, there was a car parked next to us with a guy sitting inside. He had this smirk across his face. How long was he there? Was he watching us? For how long..?

We smiled (except Rifk) at him and as we went inside the car, he asked curiously, "Where are you from!?"

Yasmine got out of the car and with a big smile replied, "We're from America!"

He smiled back, without seeming surprised.

We were all fully situated in the car and about a full minute later, right before I turn on the engine, Rifk opens the car door and gets out, faces the guy and says with a stern look and a hint of hostility in her eyes,

"We're Palestinian"........................................and stood there for a few seconds.

He just smiled back.

Duah was embarrassed. Yasmine felt guilty and I tried hard not to laugh.

The look on Rifk's face was fierce. It.was.priceless.

The drive to Jerusalem was another two hours and thankfully, Rifk (our map freak) fell asleep in the car so I didn't have to stress over her obsessing if we were on the right highway.

It was a relaxing drive back and as night fell, and even with the really retarded Arabic radio station that played 20seconds of every song, it was a really good ending to our amazing day trip.

I get knocked down

2011-04-25T04:05:00.000-07:00

I've always thought I had bad luck.

Then you go to a place where bad luck is the fact of life. It's not luck anymore, in that case, it just becomes life. This is the place called Palestine.

The odds of things going wrong, of unexpected failures compounding the expected misery...such things are high in this placed called Palestine. Because it's not really a country, sorry to be frank to all the hopefuls out there, but there is no country called Palestine. I don't say this to allude to Zionist proclamations, or because I have (as some say) a 'defeatist' attitude, but because if there really is a Palestine, I wouldn't have gone through what I did.

Here's what happened.

Making sure I don't overstay my VISA, I left to Jordan through the Allenby Bridge (King Hussein) in Jericho 5 days before my VISA expired. My intention was to visit family in Ain el Basha near Amman for four days and then come back to Palestine via the Northern Crossing (Sheikh Hussein).

The reason I planned to travel back to Palestine through the Northern Crossing is because my cousins are students at Yarmouk University in Irbid, near that Crossing. But more importantly, I've been told multiple times that the Northern Crossing is easier than the Allenby Bridge. I heard horror stories of interrogation sessions that lasted hours and hours only to get rejected in the end. My sources are word of mouth and internet, of course. There are no rules of thumb for these things. You just hear stories and make your decision based on them. (that's how it works here)

This crossing, the Northern Crossing, is not meant for Palestinians who hold a Hawiyeh (Palestinian ID card), it is meant for tourists or Arab Israeli's. Now technically, I'm a tourist so I should be a shoe-in. But here were my potential problems:

1. This is my third entry in one year

2. I have Palestinian heritage. (name/appearance--HIJAB)

Then you are confronted with the realization that holding an American passport is useless. The US Consulate in Israel states clearly on its website that Palestinian-Americans, whether you hold a hawiyeh or not, may be denied entry. The US has no power to ease the entry of its own citizens in the country that owes its lifeline to. Sad right?

So to better your odds, people generally tell you that if you insist you don't go the West Bank, or say you have family in Israel (with proof), or take the Northern Crossing...you'll be fine. They might interrogate you, you might wait a while, but in the end...they will let you in.

Other advises you get,

1. Be confident

2. Be consistent

3. Don't lie - really important. If you get caught lying, you are guaranteed denial of entry and possible problems in the future.

I was confident, I had all the right ingredients to enter Palestine. As soon as I was dropped off on the Jordanian/Israeli border, I paid an exit tax of 8 JD and got on a bus that drove through the official Israeli side of the border. You are greeted with Israeli flags and the lovely faces of Israeli officials. (Not Palestinian flags and definitely not Palestinian officials.)

The line is short, another advantage of the Northern Crossing. So it took less than 20 minutes from the time I waited in line until the interrogation began. (that's pretty short, Allenby took almost an hour)

I sat alone on a green bench while my passport was being escorted inside..that room. Here's another difference between this wait and the Allenby or Ben Gurioun. In Allenby, you are not alone. There are others like you, who are being questioned. Same with Ben Gurioun.

But here, I was alone. And because there were only 20ish people all together, in a matter of 15 minutes, they were all gone. The entire room was empty as I sat on the green bench all by myself...my bags were put aside and my passport somewhere..inside.

About 20 minutes later, a blonde official walked up to me and introduced himself as security. I was just sitting and had no intention of getting up...but he had ego issues so he said,

"Stand up"

so I stood, lazily.

"What is the purpose of your visit to Israel?" (not Palestine)

"visiting family"

"Where?"

"Ramla"

"Ramallah?"

"No, RAMLA"

"How many times have you come to Israel?"

"Three"

"Do you have any weapons on you?

I had to smile the 'wtf' smile..."no"

"Are you delivering anything to anyone?"

"No"

He was flipping through my passport as we were talking.

"Ok wait here," he said before going back inside the room with my passport.

As I waited near the green bench, the kind that they have at parks in the US, a random Israeli (unknown title) was walking around staring at me and finally asking me "What's your name?" in Arabic. I told him. "Where are you going?"

"Ramla"

"Ramallah?"

"RAMLA"

I gave him a serious attitude, and he returned that attitude when he told me to sit down when I had decided to keep standing up.

10 minutes later, the man behind the window counter where everyone else went and recieved their VISA's called on me. wow, that was quick, hell yeah is what I stupidly thought.

So I walked towards him when the random unknown Israeli guy runs towards me and says "Go back and sit!"

"He just called me"

"GO SIT," and then he turns to the guy behind the counter and says something in Hebrew.

So I sit. Because apparently I'm not allowed to stand. On the green bench. And I wait. I couldn't read my book because they had it all set to the side. I just sat. And the random dude kept walking pass by me, looking at me, and judging from his good Arabic, he was probably a Druze. A fellow Palestinian.

A lady finally comes and in a harsh tone tells me I overstayed my VISA for 20 days. I contested and said that wasn't true, she insisted as she stared at my VISA. She's wrong and at first, I thought she accidentally misunderstood. But there is no way she could have misread it. It was intentional. She was intentionally accusing me of something she knew wasn't true.

Then the blonde came and started to demand with so much anger.. why I was coming so many times. Why did I go to Jordan? Why do I keep coming back? Why Israel? Why not another country? What is the real purpose? Don't you have a job? How do you have money? Give me one good reason you are coming!

I keep replaying this scene. It was so horrible. It was degrading. Insulting. Humiliating. I can handle the questions. But the psychological terror he was trying to induce me was clearly a tactic he chose because he was a hateful, racist Israeli. I've been through interrogations at checkpoints and entries before, but not like this. Not angry malicious psychological warfare you see investigative cops do on criminals.

My crime was that I wasn't giving him the answer he wanted. He went back in the room and I sat, waiting.

He comes back out within minutes and accuses me of lying.

"You crossed"

"Crossed what? Through Qalandiyah?"

"Yeah, twice."

"Yeah I did, I went to the West Bank"

"You lied. You lied to me three times"

"WHAT are you talking about? When did I lie?? You never asked me if I went to the West Bank, Yeah I DID go, twice. So what?"

"You are lying. Everything. You are lying about everything!!!"

"What did I lie about! Tell me?!"

"You want to go Ramla? You need $200, you don't have enough money" (random guy chips in, having looked through my wallet in my purse)

The guy behind the counter, the lady who accused me of overstaying my VISA and the random dude all surrounded me at this point, watching the blonde proving his power over me.

"I am not letting you in Israel"

"WHAT? WHY not?!"

"You are lying. You said you went to Jordan to visit family. That is a lie. You went to renew your visa to come back here. You are lying about why you are coming here"

"Yeah I did go to renew my VISA and visit my family. So? I am visiting family in Ramla. So? "

"You have been visiting family since September. You will keep doing this. Leave and come back."

At one point, I noticed that random guy was looking through my pictures that he pulled from my bags. I wanted to say something but this blonde was in my face raging because I was so clean. He kept at it,

"Give me ONE good reason why I should let you in Israel" (he said this 4 times, and I answered the same answer 4 times)

"Why don't you go to China, to America to Latin America. WHY HERE!?"

"Because I'm Palestinian"

"No you are not Palestinian"

"Okay whatever. I want to visit family, and travel around and go to the beach. That's what tourists do!"

"I won't let you in. You are going back to Jordan. OK! you UNDERSTAND!"

"That's not fair. Give me one good reason you won't let me in! What am I doing wrong? You can call all my family in Ramla and ask them!" I was beginning to put effort in holding back tears. The tears of anger. Of defeat.

He went back in. All of them did. In that room. And I sat, on the bench, unsure of what I was supposed to do. I re-thought my approach. No, I did everything right.

15 minutes later, the worst 15 minutes of my recent life, the 'you overstayed your visa' lady came with a yellow notepad and with a shifted attitude, a more humane one and asked me for all the numbers because she said I have "security problems".

I could ask, "what security problems?" But it would be useless. I started to realize it was all a psychological game. I gave her all the numbers. She asked a couple more questions and then advised that if I want to go to Ramla, I should take a certain route. ("If you are let in Israel, that is,") And then before she left, she told me I wasn't supposed to go to Jordan to renew my VISA that I should have gone through the Ministry of Interior to get it renewed. I said ok, I didn't know. She just shrugged and went back in.

30minutes later. She comes back out and hands me the passport. "You can go"

Relieved, I opened my passport only to find the Israeli visa stamp crossed out and replaced with a handwritten "ONE WEEK".

After four hours of that dreadful experience, I only got one week?

Was this a way to tell me that I have one week to extend my VISA the 'right' way...or...just to show that they are the boss and I am at their mercy...or both.

Either way, I am screwed because the Jewish Passover Holiday - everything is closed UNTIL Wednesday. And I got the passport stamped on Saturday...which leaves me three days to get an extension. But Friday they are closed. So really, two days.

What are the chances that I will get an extension? With my luck and being in Palestine? Absolutely NONE.

So here is the story to my newfound defeatist attitude. And though I tried, I really tried to be in Palestine...it's just not working out. I left everything behind to embark on the search to know what it is really like to be Palestinian to live in Palestine.

Then again, in a way, what happened to me is what it really is like to be Palestinian. I understand now what it feels like to be powerless. To tolerate occupation. And there's not much we can do about it.

Not here, at least, and not now.

Yafa

2011-04-20T02:18:00.000-07:00

Pictures are worth a thousand words right? (I'm also short on material)

-Driving through Israel, you see Israeli flags on litterally every single light pole.

Famous seafood restaurant in Yafa, The Old Man and the Sea

Before----

....After

Family table.....

Arabs and Jews as neighbors

2011-04-17T09:10:00.000-07:00

Many of us have heard or read accounts of Palestinians who professed that prior to the 1947 partition plan, Arabs and Jews lived peacefully side-by-side in historical Palestine. And so it then becomes understood that the current strife between the two groups is not inherently racist but rather a consequence of a political dispute.

That sounds hopeful...but I think it is partially naive. The best way to know for sure how probable that scenario is would require someone to check out a mixed neighborhood today...

I've been living with my family in Ramla, a predominately Jewish neighborhood with a significant Arab population (20%) and I have seen first-hand how Arabs and Jews live side-by-side.

I must admit that I was pleasantly surprised with what appeared to me as a healthy and normal society where Arabs and Jews live together. Based on what I saw, supplemented with stories I hear from my family, I was under the impression that yes, Jews and Arabs can and (for the most part) do live peacefully side-by-side. There are certainly hints of racism and discrimination that prop up occasionally, but not more than the racism evident in Europe or the US.

So what is this hysteria about Arabs complaining of systematic discrimination in Israel? Or the claim that they are living as 'second class citizens?' My friend, an American-Palestinian who is visiting Jerusalem, and I had this discussion a few weeks ago. She did a study on Arab Israeli's and their 'suffering' back in college and insisted that what she gathered from her studies is a more accurate depiction.

Maybe Ramla is an exception..she would say..

Unconvinced, I accept an invitation to go to two Arab-dominated cities that I've never been to in Northern Israel:

Um el Fahm and Nazareth.

My friend and I met in Jerusalem and after we 'grabbed' our to-go cups of coffee from Ibn Izhiman (This is the first time I do this in an ARABIC-owned cafe), we set off to the nice empty highways of

the Sabath-observing Israel.

Though we were driving in Israel, it was really nice seeing the pockets of minarets on each side of the highway . It's a clear and powerful statement Palestinians can

make to anyone driving by signaling that Palestinians will continue to thrive in the "Jewish state."

After about an hour and a half driving on Isaac Rabin Highway, we finally entered Um el Fahm. We were welcomed

by beautiful calligraphy, a big red

laundry clip (landmark?) and a McDonald's. I don't know why that excited me. It would be the first time I see a McDonald's in a 100% Palestinian city...it's kind of cool isn't it? (there aren't any in the West Bank, though there is a knock-off Burger King in Nablus)

What is unique about Um el Fahm is that it is 100% Arab Palestinian and Muslim. There are 32 mosques, according to our host family, and an Israeli concern that its a ripe hub for "Islamists".

Our host apologized in advance if this might offend us, but said he is regretful that religious representatives have had influence in the city. (I think he thought I'd be sensitive because I'm a hijabi)

I just nodded, unsure of how I was supposed to respond to that.

Anyway, we were told to park near the McDonalds and the big laundry clip and hop into their car because there was no way we would have been able to find our host's house. The entire city was on a crowded mountain with super narrow alleys (not roads) curving sharply as we drove uphill. My friend made the observation that the over-crowded and cramped labyrinth back-roads closely resembled those of a refugee camp.

And unlike in Ramallah, there aren't 'wealthy neighborhoods' that distance themselves from the rest. Everyone -- regardless of their income, the kind of car parked in the driveway or the sq. ft. of the house -- live side-by-side.

Speaking of income inequality, we talked about the economic situation for Palestinians in Israel. The general understanding is that Palestinians in Israel are faring much better than their counterparts in the West Bank and Gaza. So the conversation went like this:

"What's the average salary here for a typical household?"

"About 3,500 USD a month"

"Wow! That's a lot!" (my friend and I gasped)

"Not really. An average family of three children will need that to live just to enjoy the minimal comforts..."

"That's more money than I've ever made in the U.S..."

"Life is so expensive here..rent is expensive, food is expensive and everything keeps going up. And taxes. They tax us on everything."

"At least you get benefits...and the freedom of movement...unlike in the West Bank. Some argue that you got the better deal of the bargain...Arab Israelis in general... "

"No we suffer more."

"How so? You guys earn much, much more. A Palestinian in the West Bank is lucky to even find a job. Unemployment is so high. And thanks to the wall, you have less competition don't you? (That sounded bad, I later realized) And life isn't that cheap there. I don't know how people live there, plus they are subject to a full occupation. Here, in Israel, you might face some issues but generally, you live in a democracy..."

"You don't get it. This is just words. Democracy? Means nothing to us. Here, in Israel, as Palestinians, you don't feel Palestinian. You don't feel like a citizen. There, the West Bank acknowledges you as a citizen. Here, we are treated like trash. They let us know that we are unwanted and that they would like us to disappear. It's an agony, a horrible psychological burden. You don't feel human."

wow. I didn't know what to say. All this was so new to me...and I could feel my friend sending me 'I told you so' vibes...

The depressing conversation continued as we were treated with a lovely lunch, but slowly the questions were diverted towards us. As Muslims and Arabs, what was life in America like? [ It's one of those systematic questions us Arab-Americans get here]

All the kids, ranging from 11 to 17, expressed their desire to go to America.

"But don't you want to stay here and retain your Palestinian identity? I mean

, the Israelis want you to leave and by leaving, you are giving in to their policies of trying to drive you out of your own country..."

..my friend tried to reason with them but to no avail...they want a better future. What right do we, as Palestinians who have the option of going back to America, with our comparatively perfect life...to ask them to stay and 'fight the oppression' and sacrifice their future to suck it up for the sake of an idea that the rest of the Palestinian population can hold on to...?

But the job market really sucks in the US anyway- I added.

After the delicious meal, the coffee and tea, the arguleh and fruits...we drove to

Nazareth. The view was breathtaking!! It was so beautiful. The whole time, I couldn't

believe this was Palestine ("Israel"). It looked more like the villages I've visited in Japan. Lush with mountains that looked like they have been dipped in a sea of trees, with sheets of different shades of green spreading thickly for miles and miles afar...

We then drove into Nazareth and drove through the bustling streets intercepted by churches, religious schools, shops and restaurants. I wish we had more time to actually walk around but all we were able to do was eat knafeh at a famous place called 'Al-Mukhtar" (The Mayor).

Nazareth as a city was very well-kept and nice, much less claustrophobic that Um el Fahem. They opened a new mall called 'Big Fashion' (I wonder how long it took them to come up with that name) that I will make sure to check out next time. Since it's a historically dominant Christian city, the churches appear to out-do the mosques. But there were a lot of hijabi's...I guess you just can't get rid of us ;)

During our drive back to Jerusalem, I told my friend that I discovered two things today: That there are Arab Israelis who are suffering more than Palestinians in the West Bank and that my country is much more beautiful than I ever imagined... :)

Shopping in Israel and Palestine

2011-04-17T01:49:00.000-07:00

I'm not a shopoholic. But I miss American malls. The options. Forever21, Express, Macy's....and I've exhausted every mix-matching attempt with the clothes that I brought with me. I'm beginning to see the same people regularly, which means wearing the same outfit twice is not an option if I can help it!

A common trick I've used before (as a hijaby) is that I can wear the same outfit again, but compliment it with a different hijab and that way I created à new outfit!

But that doesn't work that well here. Girls here have pointed out to me on several occasions that they notice my hijab shades and colors:

"Hey, why don't you wear brighter colors" or "You must really like black"

And then you buy yellow and peach color hijabs to prove that you have diversified your hijab-drobe, yet it continues,

"You should wear this color and that color to match that color hijab"

..really? This actually makes miss being the lone hijabi in my circles, that way people give me the benefit that 'It's hard to be a hijabi" and "She has good style, for a hijabi" (those are annoying too, though!)

SO NOW it's become imperative for me to do some shopping. So where to go, where to goo...?

As a Palestinian-American who stays with her Arab-Israeli family living in Ramla, here are the most convenient options:

1. Kenyons (Israeli malls)

2. Ramallah and Nablus boutiques
3. Ship things from America (unlikely)

I wanted to be strategic about this. I understood that Palestinian "boutiques" would be the cheapest so I thought I'd try those out first. See if they are really as 'fobby' as I unfairly assume.

Nablus/Ramallah: There is actually a mall in Nablus, called City Mall, but aside from 'World of Hijab' and a pajama store, that place is scant. (It's more known for its movie theatre that plays the same move for a month) So instead, I went and walked around the city centre to look for nothing in particular. The clothes that the mannequins displayed in front of stores were encouraging. But as soon as I tried on some of the pants in the really tight mirror-less dressing rooms, I knew this was a mistake. The fitting for all 9 pairs of pants I tried from 5 different stores was terrible. Was it the fabric? Was it the stitching? Or was it the psychological fear that I would look like a fob?

I think it was a combination of all those. I did end up buying these gray pants...it was 35 NIS or like $10.

In Ramallah, you have more choices.

There are some boutiques that sell predominantly Israeli clothes, and prices for a pair of black slacks range anywhere between 180 to 300NIS. ($50-100) [There's a Mango Fashions...a Mango knockoff?]

Then there are other 'fobby' boutiques that have similar black slacks made in (I'm not sure where) for about 50NIS. Is there a striking

contrast in quality? Not really. There is actually one mall in Ramallah called Plaza Mool, but it houses a grocery store and random non-clothing retail.

Kenyons: There are tons of malls dotting Israel so my experience is painfully limited to Jerusalem and Ramla’s one mall. In Jerusalem, there are three main shopping malls. There is Malha mall, the largest, followed by the new 'cosmopolitan' outdoor Mamilla Mall and the mall in Pisgat Zeiv (an Israeli settlement) There is an article about how malls bring 'Arabs and Jews' together through shopping. That might not resonate well with some people, but it is true. When I went to the Pisgat Zeiv mall, the SETTLEMENT mall, it was full of hijabis (the most useful indicator of Palestinians). The cafe on the second floor where I got my iced coffee from called Kosher Cafe had three Palestinians on staff.

Now as far as stores go, only a handful were familiar like Tommy Hilfiger, Bebe, GAP and MAC Cosmetics (found in Mamilla) and more internationally-recognized brands like Zara, Mango and H&M in Malha. But if you don't want to spend an arm and a leg, some of the popular local retail like Fox and Castro offer good alternatives.

The styles found in Israeli stores are slightly different from what you have in the states.... and prices were not unreasonable but a far cry from the 35NIS I paid for those pants in Nablus.

But the ultimate question remains. How did the Israelis’ treat me as a

Palestinian customer? Like in America, it's hard to distinguish between an associate's bad customer service or if its blatant racism. But in general, they weren't that friendly. I wasn't welcomed, nor was I asked if I needed help. So though I found a lot of cute things, I was turned off by the lacking customer service to try anything out.

There is the one small mall in Ramla that my cousins took me to. Everyone was SO NICE. I tried on some things at a store called "Fast Line" (or something like that) and the associate couldn't stop complimenting me. I went into another store, Castro, where they played Chris

Brown and Flo Rida and again, everyone was so friendly. It just kind of sucked because they would talk to me in Hebrew and I'm just like, 'um I don't know what you are saying'...in which then they would reply, 'oh okay.' and walk away...lol. After a while, I decided to pull my little cousin to my side each time to translate. I also noticed that the customers are also really friendly. After the mall, we went to the 'souk', which resembles a flea market that sells clothes and groceries. The clothing stores were Israeli-owned but the customers were predominately Palestinian. I went to the fitting room to try on something when all

of a sudden, this girl opens the curtain (not door) and demands I leave because she was in there first. Mortified, I put my stuff back on and got out where she shoved her way in. I looked at my cousin like, 'wtf was that?' and she’s like, 'Arab girls'....

"Oh she's Palestinian.." (I couldn't tell because she scolded me in Hebrew)

"Yeah, Jewish girls wouldn't do that"

"Are you serious?"

"Jewish women are nicer"

"How so?"

"When Jewish women see you, for example, and you look nice, they will tell you, 'You are so pretty!' But when an Arab girl sees you, she won't say anything."

"So you are saying Jews are nicer than Arabs?"

"When it comes to these things, yes. Well, when it comes to a lot of things, it's true. Arab women get jealous."

"Wait, so there is no racism?"

"Not really, we don't feel it...."

I thought that was interesting. I would later bring this conversation up to my cousin's husband and another male cousin to which they countered:

"That's probably just when it comes to shopping. They are nice to Arabs because they want them to buy things from them. True, Arab women are jealous. No really, Jewish women are kinder. But if you are in the real world, in the working world..that's when you really feel the racism. There is racism against Arabs in all 'serious' matters like at work or when you want to buy a house/land." (plus, I would later conclude on my own, my cousins aren't hijabis. I would totally factor that in!)

Anyways, this topic would require an entire post of it's own...

Back to shopping here...after all this...I only ended up buying two shirts and a pair of pants. There are more malls that need exploring and there's a holiday coming up so the stores apparently are running out of all 'the good stuff'. So I am going to have to wait and in the meantime, I guess I'll have to resort to more creative mix-matching....

How Palestinian are you?

2011-03-23T01:03:00.000-07:00

Identity games are fun. Surely second-generation Americans across the board face some degree of identity crisis but I think because of the unique position of Palestine - it gets a little more complicated.

To illustrate, I put forward a brief bio on four Palestinian(ish) girls. At the end of each bio is a scale on her "Palestinian-ness" and the final grade.

Let's start with Amra. Amra was born in Ramallah and her family moved to Chicago a few months later where she spent most of her life. Her grandmother is German-Polish. At 16, her family decided to move back to Ramallah where she finished high school and continued her university studies. She's been in Palestine for eight years and is currently working at a Palestinian organization and participates in Palestinian protests on a regular basis.

Scale: 100% - 25% (non Palestinian grandma) = 75% - 8% (half a point for each year living in the U.S ) =so her total score is 67% (D)

Fidaa was born in Gaza and her family moved to Ft. Worth after a year and has lived there ever since. An activist for Palestinian rights, Fidaa went to her birthplace city of Gaza after graduating college to intern at an NGO for a few months.

Scale: 100% - 11% (half a point for each year in the US) = total score is 89% (B+)

Lena (me) was born in Baton Rouge and lived most of her life in Dallas. Lena is very interested in Palestine and has come to the country to visit. Lena's father is Palestinian and her mother is Japanese.

Scale: 100% - 50% (non Palestinian mother) - 12% (half a point for each year in the US) = 38% (fail)

Suzanne was born to Palestinian parents in Jordan (2 years) and raised her life between the US (6 years) and Palestine (20 years). She currently works for a US corporation renowned for its support for Israel. Suzanne feels no obligation to return to Palestine and changes the subject whenever someone brings up the Palestinian situation.

Scale: 100% -[1+3%] = 96% (A+)

Now here's where the tricky part comes in. Many Palestinians point to their activism as a qualifier of some sort. On the other hand, the more apathetic a Palestinian is about the struggle, the 'less' Palestinian they become. So let's re-work the math with this in mind.

On a scale of 1-10: Amra gets 10points for her activism, Fidaa gets 9 , Lena gets 8 and Suzanne gets -10.

New scores:

Amra: 77%

Fidaa: 98%

Lena: 46%

Suzanne: 86%

How Palestinian are you? :)

Exciting Times in Palestine

2011-03-17T23:37:00.000-07:00

So much has happened in one week. I'll make it easy to digest by listing events followed by my personal experience.

A) Wedding in Jaroushi, Israel - Jaroushi is an Arab Palestinian town near Ramle. Distant relatives' weddings take place there every few weeks or so and I was asked to come and check out what an 'Arab Israeli' wedding was like.

What I expected: A very nice American-equivalent wedding. Nothing short of a big hall at a hotel or civic center with tables and covered seating. Fancy plates and silverware.

What happened: The wedding consisted of a makeshift tent in a big open space in what looked like a big backyard shared by a couple of houses. No covered seating. No plates...or silverware....

Picture this: Very fashionable and Western-dressed girls with their nails done digging in the deep mansaf platter (shared between 3-4 people) with their hands. I am all about adapting to the culture but I just couldn't. I whispered to my cousin if I could get a spoon. So what does she do? Yell: "Someone bring Lena, the American, a spoon!" and in shame, I accepted the spoon that was fetched from someone's house. Yes, I was the ONLY person using a spoon to eat in the entire wedding.

Lesson: The Arab-Israelis in the southern parts of the country (like Ramle and Lid) tend to be more Bedouin-influenced and much more traditional than their counterparts in the north. Hence, while they dress like Israeli's, they are much more culturally-conservative than Palestinians even in the West Bank. Cousin marriages, for example, are not just common but expected. Honor killings are not unheard of, either.

B) Transportation in West Jerusalem. I left Ramle to go to Jerusalem for a few nights and my aunt packed three gigantic bags of food: 3 days worth of malfouf (stuffed cabbage), a jar of olives, okra stew and kabob packaged in Tupperware.

What I expected: To get lost. To drop one of the bags. Unfriendly Israelis. Of all the Israelis, the most intimidating ones are probably in Jerusalem. As stated in a previous entry, the most religious Jews are in Jerusalem. And my observation found that there is a negative correlation between religiosity and tolerance.

What happened: I didn't get lost. I didn't drop any of the food. Unfriendly Israelis. Nobody offered to help an obviously struggling hijabi carrying three bags of food (or maybe they were annoyed that I made the whole bus smell like malfouf).

Picture this: A lone Muslim Palestinian girl in a sea of Israelis standing in a choked bus ride when all of a sudden she hears in Arabic, "Ta3ali e3di ma7ali" (Come sit in my seat). Little did he know that his question was actually music to my ears. When I saw that it was indeed a fellow Palestinian --I felt a rush of pride and appreciation to be Palestinian.

Lesson: It's when you are a minority that 'your people' are more likely to recognize the need to help each other.

C) Qalandiya Checkpoint. The travel between Ramallah and Jerusalem is notoriously dreadful because of this wonderful place called Qalandiyah Checkpoint. But they have changed the rules here and what used to be dreadful became, well, more dreadful. All foreign-passport carriers were subject to the same treatment as Palestinians.

What I expected: The few times I've had to go through Qalandiyah, the lines were not terrible. An average turnaround time would be around 20-30 minutes. The two or three IDF soliders would let in 2 people at a time through to check ID's and scan bags and for the most part, things run smoothly.

What happened: The lady before me wore a jilbab with a metal belt attached to it on the waist. The female IDF soldier behind the glass window was adamant that she take off the jilbab RIGHT then and there because it kept beeping under the security scanner. The lady refused. And this went on for like 30 minutes. Why couldn't they offer her to go in a room? I don't know. But when it became clear that the lady wasn't going to budge, they took her to a room. Then when it was my turn, they decided to also give me a hard time.

Picture this: I'm standing facing the soldiers behind the glass window. There is a male and female. The female is speaking to me in such broken Arabic that I don't understand what she says. She repeats three times and starts to give me an attitude.

"Your Arabic is bad, I don't understand you" I shot back at her

Then the guy behind me intervened and said that I should calm down. They made me scan my own passport (they have a scanner out). After that, they wanted to see it physically so I put it under the table where there was an opening for them to pick up. They looked through it. Made a phone call. Looked on their computer database. Made another phone call. I was getting nervous. They never did this before. After 20 minutes, they let me go. Then they called me back and asked to me to open my bags (even though it was cleared under their scanners). And maybe out of spite or because they have the power to do so, I was just basically standing there in front of the exit and they wouldn't let me out for another 5 minutes. Was it collective punishment for what jilbaby lady did?

Lesson: Checkpoints Suck. IDF suck. Occupation sucks.

D) The Itamar Massacre - The five family members that were stabbed to death inside a residence in an Israeli settlement not far from Nablus was the main topic of discussion a few days ago at my family's place. The discussion went on like this:

Relative #1: What kind of person would do this? How can you go stab a baby? Even if its Jewish or a Kaafir (non-believer), it's despicable.

Relative #2: Israelis kill Palestinian babies all the time

Relative #1: The way Israelis do it is that they get on a helicopter and drop bombs indiscriminately and yes, they kill many of our babies, but it's on another level when you go to a 3-month old and stick a knife in it while the baby is looking straight at you.

Relative #3: Palestinians didn't do this. This is obviously an attempt by Israeil's to pump up anger among Israelis against Palestinians. There is no way Palestinians would do something like this.

Relative #2: Yeah. But don't you think it's fishy that they didn't show any of the slain people on tv? There is no proof that any of this actually even happened.

Relative #1: They showed the house and the mess.

Relative #3: That's all it takes to convince people these days. A messy house. Look, it's not possible. Think of it logically. They are claiming that Palestinians broke into the settlement, and into their homes, managing to kill those five people, and then somehow escaped without a trace. Come on!! With all that IDF security all around that settlement, how can ANYONE buy that?

Relative #1 and #2: May God save us from Israel.

E) March 15 Unity March- This was the much anticipated youth-driven international protest calling for ending the violent (and rather childish) split between Fatah (West Bank) and Hamas (Gaza) that is paralyzing any progress for Palestinian affairs. There were even hunger strikes that lasted a few days.

What I expected: Thousands of people in Ramallah, more than the previous protests. The PA openly supported the protest while Hamas in Gaza opposed them. So in Ramallah, we didn't expect much disruption though a little was bound to happen.

What happened: Maybe 500-600 people showed up in the Manarah Square at its peak. It was nice because the message was very mild. End to division. Yes to unity. Which political party would have a problem with that? It's confusing here, because nothing is what it seems. You hear people say Hamas is electrocuting and stabbing protesters in Gaza but when you talk to people in Gaza, they say those are lies. And the PA claims to support the protest but Fatah 'thugs' fashioning CIA-like sunglasses have routinely interrupted the assemblies. At night, some of those 'thugs' brought in boxes of falafel sandwiches and announced, 'these are from your leader Mahmoud Abbas!'. Was it a bribe to show a sharp contrast between Fatah and Hamas? Was it to discourage the hunger strike? It could be any or none of those.

Picture this: Sleazy guys snuggling their way into these protests, to feel up on girls.

Lesson: Nothing is what it seems. There are layers and layers of possibilities and nobody really knows for sure. Facts are distorted and even reliable news outlets like AFP have had inaccurate reports. Also, I noticed something about the demographics of most of the protest participants, particularly the most active ones. They appear to be coming from the more privileged sectors of society. What does that mean?

F) Chinese restaurant in Ramallah - A Chinese restaurant called Bamboo with an impressive menu opened a few weeks ago in Ramallah and I was invited by some friends to try it out. It was actually pretty good. But more interesting was the conversation between activists and non-activists at the table.

NonActivist: Why do you go to these protests? What's the point? you think something will actually change?

Activist: If everyone had that attitude, then nothing would EVER change. At least when they see us coming together and calling for change, there is a small chance.

NonActivist: You are wasting time. Nothing will change. Everyone who goes to these things either wants attention or wants to check out the girls.

Activist: Why are you so negative?

NonActivist: I'm telling you the reality. Do you even know how many Palestinians died under the hands of Israel?

Activisit: Umm...why does that matter? No I don't know the exact number.

NonActivist: Exactly, nobody does because nobody cares. Everything that happens here is forgotten. It's meaningless. There is no hope.

Now to put this in perspective, the activist is a 24-year old Arab American while the NonActivist is a 30-something year old local from Jenin and has a family. As I mentioned earlier, most of the activists are younger and come from privileged families (In Ramallah at least).

Is it a question of the youth being too naive or the elderly being overly cynical? Are you more likely to have hope -- and therefore be attracted to these protests --when you are suffering less?

hmm.

---Interesting times in Palestine----------

Lessons for Palestinians, from Japan

2011-03-11T02:01:00.000-08:00

The weather has been crazy in Ramallah. Snow, rain and hail!

The satellite and internet stopped working so I didn't have a chance to scout the news as I usually do every morning. I got dressed and headed out towards the taxi center in downtown Ramallah.

Today, I am going back to Ramle (in "Israel", or "Occupied Palestine"-- depending on your activism) to visit my family. It's Friday so the city is pretty dead, which means waiting for passengers to fill up a taxi is going to be painfully long.

As I was waiting in the car, eating Israeli cookies (sorry, it was all I had), the taxi drivers huddled around my taxi and started talking about random nothingness to kill time.

"Why do some of these police cars have big plastic nets on the windows?"

"In case someone throws rocks at them, maybe"

"Yeah, just in case there is a 3rd intifada, or a 4th one." (ha ha ha)

"No man, that's dumb. What a waste. Those nets are perfect for raising pigeons."

"I'm hungry and I'm tired of waiting. By the way, did you hear about the earthquake in Japan?"

"No. That's too bad. Is it bothering you?"

"It has nothing to do with me. Why? How about you go over there and check it out ?"

"What takes me to Japan? I wouldn't even go to China."

...of course I wanted to intervene...I wanted to ask about this earthquake...and somehow add that Japan is an amazing country and they are lucky to even visit it...but the last thing I wanted was an interrogation session about my link to Japan from a bunch of exhausted 40-something-year-old men.

So when I finally got on a computer and saw the footages of the Tsunami's horrific land-grab inching inwards and destroying everything it touches, I regretted not saying anything to those taxi drivers.

If you haven't checked it out, what happened a few hours ago in Japan looked like it could come right off a scene from the blockbuster hit 2012.

Horrific...

The 8.9 magnitude earthquake that trigged the massive tsunami (5th largest in recorded history) "unleashed walls of water that swept across rice fields, engulfing towns, dragging houses onto highways and tossing cars and boats like toys" is one of the latest testimonies of how fragile humanity is.

Talk about problems. I know the media hype is focusing on the Libyan revolts and the attack on social welfare in the U.S. but just take a moment and plant this scenario in your head.

Imagine if the tsunami happened in Libya instead of Japan. Qaddafi would die, probably. But much more than that - would we re-think our positions?

Or if a massive tornado swallowed the entire Old City of Jerusalem, destroying the precious holy sites of Muslims, Christians and Jews?

Then what?

Now THAT would be scary huh?

Some countries managed to create their own disasters while countries like Japan are notorious for being vulnerable to dangerous natural ones.

So I dedicate this post to the Japanese, who have refused for generations to submit to pressures to involve itself in bloody and useless combat. Who refused to develop it's own nuclear weapons even as it has all the technology to do so.

Maybe the Palestinians and Israelis can draw lessons from this episode. Maybe Japan's lethal natural disasters helped create this attitude. Being victims of the only atomic attack definitely did.

Is that what we need here too? A big natural disaster or an atomic bomb? Is that what it will take to give some of these delusional people (Israelis, Palestinians) some perspective? A reality check? Who knows.

I know that what Palestinians are going through is not the same. There is occupation, there are human rights violation issues etc.

But I do think that it is definitely worth thinking about, more than the five seconds the taxi drivers bothered to dedicate to the issue.

ps: Japan is the third (but close to second) largest donor to Palestine.

Don't buy that

2011-03-05T06:03:00.000-08:00

A lot of us Arab Americans probably remember the e-mails that flooded our in-boxes about boycotting companies and brands that 'support' Israel.

Fliers could be found at local mosques and Islamic schools to supplement the urgency of boycotting pro-Zionist brands, offering a fat list that often included big names like Nestle, Starbucks, Estee Lauder and Johnson & Johnson. If you weren't convinced because you felt sentimental about these brands, a photo of a slain Palestinian baby tucked in there should have generated enough guilt to persuade you.

The Dirbashi household was a leading example of how effective the call to boycotting these products were, particularly my baba. All it took was an e-mail - legitimate or not - to make it law in our house. It was practically 'haram' to continue to buy these products KNOWING it was killing Palestinian babies---was how my dad translated these fliers.

"Baba, how do you know this is true?"

"Khalas ruddi 3alay" (just listen to me)

So as kids, we weren't allowed to go to McDonalds or Starbucks...which was a pain because McDonald's is so close and cheap and everyone hung out at Starbucks. (Eventually, we just went anyway and not tell him)

So of course when I come to Palestine, the boycott pressure is much more direct and simple: Don't buy things with Hebrew writing.

But when I go to a supermarket, I just think like a consumer who makes choices and judgement based on the, well, the product.

When I brought back milk the other day, with Hebrew slapped on the cover, my friend (an American) let out a shrill.

"How can you buy Israeli products?!?!?!'

"Umm...I'm sorry, I just thought it was a good deal..."

"You are PALESTINIAN..."

"Right" (I'm American-Palestinian...correction..and you're not my dad..)

My other friend, a local 'true' Palestinian from Jerusalem, got irritated when I told her what happened. She said foreigners had no right to come here and tell Palestinians (and Palestinian Americans) how to live their lives, what products to buy, etc.

She is a student at Hebrew University and was recently reprimanded by a Spanish teacher for speaking in Hebrew in Ramallah. "I'm proud of speaking Hebrew and I'm proud of going to Hebrew University, one of the world's top universities. I'm not going to feel guilty for that."

So I asked her, if all the brightest Palestinian students (in Jerusalem) go to Hebrew University, how are Palestinian universities (Al Quds or Bethlehem, for example) going to move up?

"You have to care about yourself. You have to care about your opportunities, not all your choices have to be linked to the occupation."

This goes back to how we expect Palestinians in Palestine (not the diaspora)to prioritize their problems. What comes first? Your education? Getting a good job? Being able to provide for your family? Or should you sacrifice all that to incrementally make a difference in the Palestinian cause?

Growing up, I used to hear a lot of non-Palestinian friends blame Palestinians for not doing enough to end the occupation.

I used to agree with that. But...and I didn't really realize this until I came here..why should they be criticized to want to live a normal life like everyone else.

Is it really a big deal if they bought Israeli milk because it was on sale? Or because they wanted to get good quality jeans from the Israeli mall because Palestinian stores sell LEES jeans for 300 shekels (that's $83 dollars...for LEES!!!) or...go to an Israeli university because they have amazing programs?...

Are they sellouts? or worse...supporting the occupation?

I don't think so..

My friend from Jerusalem doesn't represent all Palestinians of course, but, she asked me to spread her message. "They don't know what it's like to be Palestinians living here, they can't just come here and think they're saving Palestine by their boycott and telling us how to handle the Israeli occupation."

And then she mentioned something about counter-fit drugs found in Palestinian pharmacies in the West Bank as an example of why we can't always trust Palestinian products. (She is a pharmacy student and learned this in one of her classes)

"Palestinian products are not always the best, we do what is best for us. And Israel is a reality. They need to just accept that and leave us alone."

That's kind of harsh, I said to her. They are only here to try to make a small difference for a cause they care about.

"How has boycotting Israel helped us? HOW!?"

I personally don't have a strong opinion on consumer boycotts. They serve a purpose, of course, largely symbolic. But I am also skeptical about their real impact. (Divestments are very effective though.)

But anyway, I just don't appreciate someone scolding me for buying Israeli products or for wanting to go to the mall in Jerusalem. Just because you believe it makes a difference, doesn't mean I do.

Defending the USA

2011-02-15T14:49:00.000-08:00

I’d like to take this opportunity to vent my frustration with the polarized positions Palestinians AND many non-American foreigners in Ramallah tend to take when it comes to the USA – particularly in light of the Arab uprising sweeping the region.

As a Palestinian-American-Japanese, or PAJ, I don’t have a strong attachment to any of those three countries. I am proud of being all three, but it wasn’t my choice, so I take a moderate stand on patriotic sentiments. Like many things of course, patriotism is relative.

For example, after 9/11, many Muslim-Americans felt the need to raise USA flags on their places of worship , homes or on their vehicles to display loyalty to their country. I refrained from doing so, because from my perspective, I don't have to wave a flag to prove I'm American.

Here in Palestine, and many other parts of the world, burning the USA flag (as they did at some of the recent protests in Ramallah) is a symbol of rejecting the unfavorable American policies in the Middle East.

I’ve never been tempted to do either. That is, raise a flag or burn the USA flag….and when I see Palestinians cheer at the sight of burning a US flag, I feel a little dishearted.

I expressed to many Palestinians that it makes me sad when I see them burn the US flag.

Apparently, there is something wrong with that. How can I be Palestinian, and, feel sympathy towards the US? How mind boggling, it seems.

Generally speaking, I’m really getting annoyed at how often I find myself defending my appreciation and pride to be American.

It’s my home. It’s where I come from. It’s a big part of who I AM.

“How can you be proud of a country that kills Iraqi’s?” “America doesn’t acknowledge you like its other ‘real’ citizens (white Americans?)” “It doesn’t care about you, remember Rachel Corrie?” and then sometimes they offer giving me a history lesson, “Did you know America was founded on murder and massacres?”

You don’t have to convince me that the US has a history of colonization. You definitely don’t have to convince me that the US has a questionable foreign policy.

But there is more to America, or any country for that matter, than its politics. The US is my home. I was born there, I grew up there and for 25 years have not known any other home. And I do not plan on changing that. Wherever I go, I know I will go back to my home, and that is the US.

With that being said, burning the US flag bothers me because I do identify with it. I get that it symbolizes colonization, superpower, drones in Pakistan, Iraq War and to an extent the Israeli-Palestinian conflict for a lot of people. But it also means home to me and a lot of very amazing people I know “back home”.

If only people knew that the world is not so black and white. That you don't have to take sides with everything. That it's okay to fall somewhere in between.

For example: It’s possible to love being American, to NOT want to burn the US flag and also be Palestinian and WANT to fight oppression in Palestine. It’s not contradictory!

You don’t have to understand someone’s feelings to respect it.

That is all.

Thread and a needle

2011-02-06T16:49:00.001-08:00

I know.
I've been here for almost two weeks and I am just now blogging.

Lets rewind

At my farewell dinner, I told everyone that I don't know where I'll land. I was shooting for Palestine, but I was open to other countries like Egypt or the UAE. But I was 'so sure' that Palestine would be more exciting. A day after I land in Palestine, of course, the Egyptians decide to make history and rise against their government.

But it's okay..even if Egypt is stealing the show..even if everyone is telling me its not too late, that I should go to Egypt and soak up all the excitement....I'm really happy here.

I even had a very pleasant welcoming at the Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv. Unlike the horrendous way I was treated in the Allenby Bridge via Jordan. The interrogation channel felt more like waiting in a doctor's office this time, shy of 2 hours, only to come out with relief that there was nothing to worry about after all.

In fact, the experience was quite pleasant. The two guys, one who was obviously the superior of the other, were pretty nice. I felt relaxed and offered to show them everything I had on me. They only seemed to be interested in what they found on Google Search: this blog.

When we clarified that I'm a post-graduate traveling to put off the realities of a dawdling US economy, with dispatches plastered on this blog, they handed me back my passport adding that I was a really good writer and it was a pleasure to read my entries.

After picking up my luggage, I met with my family in Ramle, which was about 20 minutes from the airport. The house I am staying in is my dad's aunt - who is lovely - but also extremely old-fashioned.

Every night, we have had conversations that last two or three hours. She would tell me stories about the Dirbashi family in Ramle, and we would compare them with the Dirbashi's in Jordan and Egypt.

See what the occupation has done to the DIRBASHIS!?!

Anyways, here's some dirty laundry that I probably shouldn't be sharing to the world wide web. Apparently, someone in my family married a woman who committed adultery and ended up getting killed via 'honor' killing.

The woman's cousins (and not my family, thank god) were behind the murder but my aunt was telling the story like justice was served. So I couldn't help but show my irritation.

"Amto (aunt), that's haram (uncalled for)"

"What? This is the right way! She deserves it"

"But it's not up to her cousins, or anyone in her family for that matter, to go and kill their own for a bad deed...."

"This is God's prescribed punishment for adulterers"

"Her cousins don't have the right to carry out God's punishment, only an Islamic government with a proper..." (she interrupted me)

"Are you hearing yourself? Why are you defending her!"

She started to get irritated so I just held my tongue after that. We then got into a discussion about male/female relations and we somehow stumbled upon rape. She said that Islam does not acknowledge rape.

"A wise man during the prophet's time held out a needle and a thread," she said using her hands to demonstrate. She then moved the string towards the needle while moving the needle up and down - to show me the impossibility of the thread - entering the hole of the needle whilst it moving.

"See?" she said.

I was speechless and felt heartbroken that this incredible woman, whom I really respected and appreciated for all her love and hospitality, could have such perverted logic.

It would be useless to protest, though, so I just nodded and went to bed.

So now, whenever I hear about rape, I always think of a thread and a needle.

Niqab for a day

2010-12-07T14:43:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, for fun, I like to play silly games with people.

For example, in a taxi in the West Bank, I sat with a bunch of European and American tourists. When one of them wanted to get out of the car while we were waiting for one last passenger, she spoke to me in really broken Arabic, 'Mumken law samahti shukran" (Can you please move) . Dressed in a hijab and hearing me talk to the taxi driver in what sounded like fluent/native Arabic, they took me as a local.

So an idea snapped in my head. GO WITH IT. I responded with broken English, "no brooblem, itz oh K"
After she came back, she sat next to me and observed me. I was being studied. I grinned and said,

"Where you are from?"

"California in the United States, of America! Where are YOU from?"

Dumbfounded with her question, I wanted to be sarcastic but that would be too American of me. Instead, I did something very Arab, very Palestinian.

"I am from Nablus. IT is the most beautiful city in Palestine, yes? More beautiful than America!"

She started to laugh. "Sure!"

The whole way there, I kept up my fake accent and laughed in my head at the way they responded to my mannerisms - my fake local Palestinian woman's mannerisms. Though I tried to correct some of their stereotypes that I'm sure they've collected during their stay - I still sensed pity from them. Just because you think you are open-minded because you are a humanitarian or activist, doesn't mean you aren't ethnocentric.

Anyways, I decided to try something new while I am in Amman, Jordan where I'll be staying for a few days as a transitional period before I stop in Egypt and go back home to Dallas. I went to visit two sisters who live here that I knew back from Dallas. The last time I saw them, one had recently put on the hijab and the other one was indistinguishable from your average white American female. This was four years ago. Today, I went to see them to find out that they have both taken up the niqab, or face veil, and live a very simple and humble lifestyle in a refugee camp..

These American-raised females, who grew up in a much more liberal household than mine, were so faith-induced and so convinced of their sacrifices that it gave me goose bumps. I've seen so many religious people, and I've grown allergic to most of them because of their selective lifestyle, double standards, judgmental views and still with all of this… still ignorant and superficial about their religion.

But these girls were something else. Sincerely and humbly sacrificing for what they believed in. They didn't find excuses not to follow what they saw as God's laws. There was no political or social factor to toy with their understanding.

This might come off as extreme to many people, but I saw it as pure and sincere adherents to Islam.

After our short visit, they took me to a small room and handed me a gift. It was a full niqab outfit including a very loose robe with a cap and a niqab piece!

I wore it over my fitted long glittery black sweater and skinny jeans, and felt my eyes tighten from the niqab tied from the back of my head. What a feeling. I saw nothing except the almond-shaped eyes of mine. A ninja.

I know several women have written on their experience of wearing a niqab for a period of time, including native Muslims like Zaiba Malik for the Guaridian who famously said:

"The women I have met who have taken to wearing the niqab tell me that it gives them confidence. I find that it saps mine. Nobody has forced me to wear it but I feel like I have oppressed and isolated myself."

and she concludes,

"I prefer not to wear my religion on my sleeve ... or on my face."

She should get an applause for such an intellectual understanding of religion, right?

Then again, she wore this in the UK, and was, as she put it, "a minority of a minority". That is more challenging than for me to wear it in a predominantly Muslim country like Jordan, and I had this full niqab outfit with me - why not embrace it for the time being? There are some who wear it here so it can't be that bad.

I put it on and my cousins, who were with me, begged me not to go out with it in public. I didn't understand what the big deal was, it's a Muslim country. Why would Muslims have such a hard time with me taking the religion to the highest level? Shouldn't that be greeted with the utmost respect? Or have we defined our understanding of religion in such a peculiar way that anything outside of the circle we have drawn for ourselves susceptible to ridicule and contempt?

Unfortunately for me, the responses were not that exciting. People looked but not any more or less than before when I was just a hijabi. They did, however, stare when I laughed at loud under my niqab at my cousins' jokes or when I would run to cross the street. These were not the mannerisms of a woman in niqab.

But when I saw other women wearing niqab, I felt a bond with them. I wanted to go up to them and say, "Hey I'm new at this! I joined the club!"

Though I felt that I should be more reserved in the way I presented myself in public, I did not feel 'isolated' or 'oppressed'. I did not feel anything negative, except that my eyes kept squinting because the niqab was wrapped too tight around my face. It warmed me up too.

Though my experience in niqab wasn't unfortunate, it was still short and within a Muslim community. I don’t know if I could pull this experiment back in Dallas. Maybe then, I might feel more 'isolated' , though I am confused about the term 'oppressed'. I don't understand how living based on your own decisions can make one feel oppressed, unless you let others make you feel that way.

My two friends didn't even have family support when they put on the niqab.
"When we visit our uncle, he laughs at us and says 'Here come the ghosts!'" one of them said.

But even without any moral or financial support - these girls are not bitter. In fact, they were very happy and comfortable –and even if it means choosing to look like a walking blanket - that's what religion should do for people.

Final Tour of Palestine

2010-12-05T13:41:00.000-08:00

Alas, my Palestinian experience is coming to a close. I am pretty satisfied with all that I've done here. I've traveled around, though not a much as I would have liked to, both in the West Bank and Israel. I've seen everyone I've wanted to and met amazing and despicable people. I've lost my camera and phone a couple of times and awful experiences have become far and in between lately, which might explain why my blog posts have also decreased.

I thought the best way to wrap up my Palestinian travel experience is by offering my unique insight on each city I've visited. In the 2.5months I've been here, I spent most of my time between Nablus and Ramallah, with many weekends in Jerusalem so I have some legitimacy in my descriptions in those three cities. The other cities I've visited one or twice so take my insight with a grain of salt! :) Also, keep in mind that I'm originally not from any of these cities so I have no inherited biases! While each city offered its distinctive character and individuals, there are some patterns that cross city boundaries and applicable to much of the West Bank and Palestinians in the homeland.

Some examples:

1. Taxi drivers are douches. They are always male and can range in age anywhere between 20-60. The younger ones tend to be nicer, and clearly less miserable.
2. Most families are making it with under $800 a month income. Those without jobs are making it somehow, but probably borrowing money from families.
3. Credit card usage is still very low, and there are a few ATM machines in general. This is probably better for them and I hope banks don't push credit cards like they did in the USA.
4. Palestinians have an issue with paying rent, as in, they don't feel that they are obligated to. (So I hear from landlords in Jerusalem and Ramallah)
5. It's December and its hot. It gets 'kind' of chilly in Ramallah and Jerusalem. Still, its December. I heard that this region hasn't been this dry since the 1920's.
6. The older men, my dad's age (45-55) are sleazier than the younger ones.
7. Girls like to talk about love for hours and hours even though many have 0 experience.
8. People say they are Muslim and bounded by Islamic law when really, it's the culture that binds them.
9. Israelis are not friendly. Hebron and Nablus are the friendliest. Ramallah people are OK.
10. Food here isn't as good as I had hoped. I think I prefer Afrah or Fadi's back in Dallas than some of these Arabic restaurants.
11. Dogs are not liked. I hear they kill them in Nablus and Hebron.
12. There are wild boars roaming around in some of the remote WB areas. My friend was jogging in Ramallah and saw some. I was told that the Israeli's release them because they destroy olive trees.
13. You have to learn how to decipher facts from fiction, because fiction is stated as fact.
14. The way you dress says a lot about you. Particularly, how moral you are.
15. Supermarkets (soobarmarket or meeni market) and mini pharmacies in Palestine should be combined so that they can be likened to America's drug stores.
16. Avacados are cheap here. It's in season, but still. 3 kilos for 10 shekels is a really sweet deal.
17. I have yet to see a Mexican restaurant. Nachos don't count, sorry Ramallah cafes.
18. I guess I assumed that Palestinian youth are a little more in tune with their politics, however, much of them are just as oblivious or misinformed as their counterparts in the USA.
19. I can confidently say that 100% of people here believe 9/11 was an inside job - or Mossad.
20. There are more bearded men in Richardson Masjid than all of the West Bank.
21. Most people seem to have more than 200 channels. Everyone has a cell phone. But I've YET to see someone with an ipod. I know they sell them, the fake ones, because I've seen them.
22. I can't find RANCH anywhere. I finally found ranch in a menu in a restaurant in Bethlehem, turns out to become creamy mayonnaise.
23. There are a lot of foreigners in Ramallah. I've met more Canadians, Brits and Scandinavians in the 2 months I've been here than all of my life in the USA.
24. The Americans here, expats-activists-tourists, all seem to take issue with the fact that not only am I from Texas, but damn proud of it. The jokes are stale and always readily available. (We like Guns, we are dumb, rednecks, we like Bush, etc.)
25. Smoking is everywhere. Taxi drivers smoke the most. I don't know how people with Asthma make it.
26. It's easy to make friends with Palestinian locals in Nablus. It's easy to make friends with foreigners in Ramallah.
27. Driving through the West Bank from one city to another, you realize how empty the West Bank is.
28. Labneh-flavored potato chips made me smile
29. Palestinian Druze are considered just as bad, if not worse, than Israeli-Jews.
30. The Athan, or call to prayer, was beautiful at the beginning. But when the speakers are right in front of your bedroom window, it is (sorry to say) repulsive.
31. Bargaining and negotiating prices is still something I shy away from. It's not a big deal if I pay a little bit more, esp. when you know the conditions of some of these people.
32. I didn't notice a lot of beggars. Once in a while, a really old man or woman would sit on the streets. Usually, the females sit and hold up their hand. The males walk around and tap you.
33. There is no such thing as seperation of religion and understanding of life including education, sociology, psychology, politics, family affairs, etc.

Cities and their Points of Distinction

Nablus:
-lots of taxis. Like they say, if you were to see Nablus from up in space, you will see a plate of turmus.
-relatively conservative. Hijabis everywhere.
-Knafeh is what it's known for but I've only found one place that has it really good
-Alcohol is not available unless you go to the Samaritan (not Muslim) Mountains.
-The city centre is pretty dead after 8p.m.
-There are a handful of modern-cafe's, which are packed for 2hours thursday and friday nights.
-A fried-chicken chain called Mr. Baker sells KFC-style friend chicken and coleslaw. But call it the way the locals do, mistar beekar
-Fakhfakhina cocktail is native to Nablus and is a cute chain that from the looks of it, is very similar to the frozen yogurt chains in Dallas with their sloshy colors.
-People here are very friendly. Friendliest in the WB. They all seem to resent Ramallah though.

Ramallah:
-A small Amman
-Buzzing with life, even after 9p.m.
-Overpriced cafes everywhere, but makes us, foreigners, feel like home.
-Wine list on the first page of cafe menus. CAFE!!!
-I can have fettuccine alfredo
-Interesting street names, named after important figures like Edward Said and Rachel Corrie
-Best Eastern Hotel
-There is a Pizza Inn, Popeyes and Olive Garden. Same logo...not sure if they are legit.
-There are clearly people with money
- I often found myself to be the only hijabi in some places, or the only one on the table that doesn't drink

Jerusalem:
-Dome of the Rock/Masjid al Aqsa
-An intricate, entangled euphoria and tension of religious people and though they are generally segregated with Palestinians in the East and Jews in the West...the Old City brings them together. Orthodox Jews and Christians and Muslims. It's an especially evocative sight within the walls of the Old City. They are all walking together but none of them are walking 'together'. You can tell by their faces that they are hardly tolerating each other.
-Expensive shawarmas.
-Suffocated by tourists and tour groups.
-Most of my negative male experience happened here
-West Jerusalem is much nicer than east. The German Colony in West Jerusalem has a really good sushi place called Sakura!

Bethlehem:
-The best well-kept city in the West Bank
-Nativity Church and the Separation Wall (or apartheid wall, whichever floats your boat) were the only two sites worth checking out.
-The night life in Bethlehem did not live up to its reputation. The only night club in the West Bank, Cosmos, is in Bethlehem and from my understanding, costs 50 shekels to get in and only couples are allowed..
-There are still more Muslims than Christians but the Christian symbolism (crosses, angles and shooting stars) all over the city centre clearly attempts to cater to the tourists.
-Tourists often times don't know they are entering the West Bank when they enter Bethlehem.
-They have pork here

Hebron:
-Super conservative
-HUGE
-5 story malls and lots and lots of clothing stores.
-Israeli settlers are really nasty here and live within the city. They even attack foreigners.
-Masjid el Ibrahimi, or Ibrahimi mosque, is not sexist. Women DO NOT pray behind the men. They pray separately, with a wall divide, and men pray to the left and women to the right.
-Hardcore Niqabis
-Very hospitable people. Possibly the most in all the WB. Everyone wants to invite you for makloba.
-Unlike Nablus, people have houses and don't live in apartments.
-In the south, some people apparently live in caves!
-Not as dead as Nablus at night.

Tel Aviv/Yafa:
-Nice beaches.
-McDonalds
-Not friendly
-Expensive
-Pretty parks

Haifa: Thank God I went earlier and avoided the crazy fire at the Caramel Mountains, the worst fire disaster in recorded history.
-Bahai Garden is the city's best asset
-Water is pretty, beaches suck
-More churches than mosques
-Only hijabi most of the time
-Israelis here are nicer
-Tried my first Israeli breakfast.

Jericho:
-Biblical. It just looks biblical. IF it isn't an adjective I just made it as one.
-Green. Agricultural.
-African Palestinians. What's funny is that many Palestinians think it was the hot sun that made a lot of 'random' Jericho'ians' really dark but they are actually originally from Africa (Ethiopia etc.)
-My dad grew up here and we still have a house here
-The telefreek, or mono-rail type cart ride was really fun.
-The only other touristy city in the West Bank

Ramle: Where I happen to have family. Otherwise, I would never consider visiting.

Cities I haven't visited:
Jenin
Tul Karem
Qalqilyah
Akka
Golan Heights
Eilat

-----------------and I hope to come back soon !!! :D Thanks for staying tuned.